allowed entry at 12:20 am
On his 23rd, I was broke, with no plans, with nothing to do.
I was so broke I almost cried. I hate being broke. I hate being left with no cash. And I'm still fucking broke!
I thought 2010 was gonna be a good year, but every year feels the fucking same to me. The 2nd half of the year is excruciatingly painful, and it hasn't even ended yet! I fear more torture and hurt up ahead.
I really wish I could turn back the clock and remain a kid. Life really was a playground back then.
Kids grow up and somewhere along the way, we simply forgot how to have fun.
Study, work, money.
Restrictions, controls, rules and regulations.
How far till the line is drawn? Will it ever stop? I think it'll stop only when I'm dead.
I'll never be myself ever again.
I'm letting go. I can only console myself by thinking of the future and not the fucking past.
I'm a problem that can never be solved, I apologise.
Everyone else needs to just go away.
Fuck off and die.
allowed entry at 10:35 pm
I should wait for the White iPhone 4.
It looks gorgeous.
I've been wondering who still reads my blog. So I have Formspring, I'm still not sure what I made that for hahah
But I just put it up here for fun.
As you can see, it says "Amuse me" and not "Annoy me". So I hope people will get the idea.
If bullshit happens, I'll just delete it off.
Like what I did to my Facebook account. I had it for less than a week and I decided to delete that damn thing. Just too much hassle.
Raya has been okay.
I didn't help my parents out in the preparations cause
1. I was mugging my ass off for the exams and I can't fucking wait for the results
2. I was lazy to help them out
3. I find no point in cleaning everything only when it's the Raya period
Nothing much has been going on actually. Everything's been the same.
Only that I'm waiting for my certificate and my mum's refused to give me pocket money so I'm pretty much cashless now.
I feel like I'm on house arrest! With absolutely no cash. I thought of selling off my camera but the boy said no, and I just came up with the idea of selling off my sneakers but I'm not sure if anyone would buy them hhahahaa
Urgh I hate having no money! My dad's been real nice to me though. He spoils me the most. That's why I'm this way I guess. Everytime my mum doesn't give me something I'll end up sulking and not talking to her.
I'm a spoilt brat in denial, hurh.
But there's one person who doesn't spoil me often.
allowed entry at 1:13 am
FUCK!
allowed entry at 3:00 am
The boy and I sat at a park and did a quiz that was in 'lifestyle' magazine. It was a personality test to measure one's emotional quotient and stuff.
So obviously I was the one who scored most of the high points cause duh, I'm a girl and girls are pretty much emotional I guess.
And it got me thinking why humans are built this way. Generally speaking of course.
Why aren't men affected by emotions? Why are women so in touch with their emotions?
Why can't everyone have an "equal level" of emotion? If that makes any sense at all.
Why do we have such a drastic difference in the emotional aspect?
It's not a shocker when women worry about things unnecessarily but you don't see men doing that.
You don't see a guy moping around when he's facing problems.
In contrast, why the hell do girls cry more then guys do? Why do women get happy so easily? And why do they get sad so darn easily too?
I think men are more content and at peace with their lives than women are?
Why isn't it the same with women? Why do women want more, emotionally?
I hate that I have a woman's emotions.
I refuse to mope around, I refuse to worry, I refuse to be insecure, I refuse to be paranoid, I refuse to be in touch with my freakin' emotions.
In short, I refuse to be emotional. But the last time I checked, I still have a vagina instead of a dick hahaha so yes I am a girl. Tsk.
All this is generalised.
Woman = Emotional. Men = Not emotional. These aren't the rules. There are people who are exceptions.
And I wanna be an exception too.
I bet if I give all my love then nothing's gonna tear us apart.
