allowed entry at 4:25 am

Heart's racing. Hands shaking.
No, it's not all good.
Fear, paranoia. Injustice, punishment. Hatred, grief.
I'm getting over it.
Optimism, happiness.
The secret of how to. But exactly how do I, with strength and dignity thrown out the window?
Right now, the idea of being a heartless Tin Man seems appealing to me.