Warning: Error!

2011-08-22T14:25:00.000+08:00

Well cross my heart and hope to
I'm lying just to keep you here
One of us never did it but we're taking it all
And tell me why you never promised that you wanted it all
This glass house is burning down
You light the match, I'll stick around
I'll give you everything you want
And wish the worst of what I was

2011-08-03T08:50:00.001+08:00

I can't believe this is happening.
I can't believe I'm going through this.

='(

2011-05-31T03:01:00.001+08:00

Why must everything be so goddamn complicated?
It's awfully painful.
='(

2011-03-27T00:34:00.001+08:00

I don't know why, but I feel so annoyed with people. I can't explain what type of people, but there are just certain types of them that I get so annoyed with.
People who judge your every move.
People who feel like they've got something to prove.
People who like to show off what they've got.
Idk, just... people!

I'm not perfect. I have flaws too. Lots of them.
But this is the reason why I'm SOOO quiet eversince... eversince idk when? But yeah if you hang out with me now, I'm a really quiet person. I've spun 180°. I think people view me as a stuck up bitch now.
It's so bad that can't even hold a decent conversation with anyone. At all. Except for the boy and my family.
Idk what's become of me.

Anyway, after the sudden realisation that I get easily annoyed with people, I've become quiet.
Cause I'd rather be viewed as stuck up like I've been labelled as since I was younger, than be an annoying person.
I'd also rather be quiet so that people don't talk to me, than be talkative and have people talk nonsense to me.
But anyways I really do not give a fuck whether people like me or not. Cause I don't care. I honestly do not.

I'm content with what I have now and I absolutely do not care about other people, I do not need their acceptance. I'm thankful for my family and for my boy. I'm thankful for having a job that pays well and I'm on track to having a stable life.
And really, I'm thankful for having my boy. He who understands me and knows me inside out. We're slowly chasing after the life we've always dreamed of.
I'm content as long as I have him and my family with me.

I don't know what drove me into writing all that. I guess I'm tired of seeing or hearing people do and talk bullshit.
I'm sick of it.
I'm such a bitch! Oh man. Haaaaaaaaha whatever.

Picture taken in May 2010; when the best and also the worst 3 weeks of my life took place.
I look sick. You look bald. Hahaaah.

I'll be there when your heart stops beating
I'll be there when your last breath's taken away
In the dark when there's no one listening
In the times when we both get carried away

2011-02-27T01:37:00.003+08:00

WHY ARE YOU SO HOT AND HANDSOME, KAKASHI?!

Random facts.

1. I miss smoking sometimes. I tried a puff the other day and my chest started to hurt. Looks like I've officially quit smoking.

2. I sound superficial but I miss looking at my perfect fingers, shoulder, knee and feet. There are scars on them now. And I still can't grip my left hand hahah but, oh well.

3. Instead of calling it a 'pacifier', my dad calls it a 'nipple'. It makes him sound moronic.

4. I miss Aryl Rizqie eventhough I just saw him. I can't wait till April when his mum starts back work and mum and I will start babysitting again. Yeaaah. Back to the old days with Ilyas Reyhan Choa! And yes, my nephews call me "Kakak" eventhough I'm actually their auntie. Cause I'm cool like that.

5. I wish the weekends were the weekdays. And the weekdays were the weekends. So we'd all only have to work for 2 days and relax for 5 days. The world would be awesomeeeeeeee.

Oh my. FO' LIFE!

2011-02-12T00:43:00.000+08:00

I've dropped off the fucking radar.
But yes I'm still alive.

Updates on my life? Been living a quiet one, with my family and the boy. It's just like old times, only better.
Though there are many problems we all encounter. I'm still hoping and praying we'd all get safely through whatever God hands to us.

I'm finally getting my certificate tomorrow. After like a trillion years.
Boss says I'll get another post with an increment, plus more responsibilities that is. Though I've been skipping work alot. Like, alot.

Especially during the accident period haaha
Oh yeah the boy and I met with an accident about a month ago. I can still barely move the fingers on my left hand. And my knee still does hurt quite abit, so I have to use plasters everytime I wear my pants.
But we're just fine. The bike's underwent servicing and it's all good now.
I swear when I regained consciousness, I thought I'd lost my left hand. Cause I couldn't move it at all. I was scared shitless.
Sigh. The things I take for granted.

On the brightside, skipping work during that period was fun. Money coming in whilst I was enjoying life outside the office.
But now it's back to work and I swear life's been no fun at all. All the energy drained during work sucks out all the fun out of life. By midweek, I already feel like a zombie.
Sigh. There's got to be more to life then work.

I can't think of anything else to write about.
Oh there aren't anymore new pictures, cause I still haven't gotten a new memory card for my camera to replace the old one that was hit with a bug.

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I'm such a boring person now.

2011-01-10T16:02:00.004+08:00

Whatever works for you.
I'm trying.

Sigh.

2010-12-01T14:46:00.000+08:00

No words can describe how much I miss you. I miss you every day and every night without fail.
You would've meant the world to me. The greatest gift I could've received.
I'm so sorry.

Mohammad Aryl Rizqie Bin Mohammad Sham.
You're the living reminder of one of the darkest moments in my life. You'll also remind me of the endless possibilities and the different life I could've led.
Everytime you look me in the eyes, my heart sinks. It's like you're looking straight into my soul. It's almost like you can read everything that goes through my mind.
Despite all that, when you're in my arms, you make me forget everything else in the world. And in that moment, it feels like there's only the two of us.
I ♥ you with all my heart.

"Live life with no regrets" is a common phrase I hear. Everytime I do, it reminds me that I've been living a life full of regrets.
Only God knows how I feel and all the things I think about. And He's the only one I turn to everyday.
It doesn't help when there's no one around. Physically alone, and psychologically too.
Getting to sleep is already a nightmare. It gets even worse when I actually get nightmares. They never stop.

A couple of old pictures I've forgotten to upload.

Father's birthday. I ♥ father. I ♥ family.
I've been craving for a slice of cake eversince.

Raya! HAHAHAHA.
♥

You're a scrub with an empty hole as a heart. You're everything I hate enveloped into one.
But it's all water off a duck's back. Everyone deserves a little forgiveness.
Too good too leave, too bad to stay.

2010-11-11T12:42:00.001+08:00

One day, my brain and my heart will implode.

So much injustice is happening around me and to me as well. Thinking about it makes me squirm so bad.
I wonder what karmic action is happening because none of this is fair.
I get sad everytime I think about it and it's really not healthy for me and for the people around me too.
I'm sick of this feeling but it won't go away.

I really wish I'm still the same person I was before.
I used to never think of all the negativity and focus on the positive instead. Now I keep telling myself I'm just a realist instead of a pessimist. But I think I'm only kidding myself. I am a fucking pessimist.

I'm the complete opposite of the person I was before.
I don't talk as much. I think too much. I worry a whole lot. I don't do much anymore. I'm no longer ambitious. I no longer dream for better things.
To sum it up, I'm not the 17 year old I was anymore.

It's scary how much things have changed for me. Thinking about it makes me wanna run away and die alone.

I'm bitter.

2010-10-29T10:40:00.000+08:00

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh, go away lah!

=(

2010-10-17T23:07:00.002+08:00

How did we become such boring people leading boring lives?
Is it because we've had it with a life full of thrill? Or is it that we're growing up?
One thing's for sure, I like doing it with you.

Could someone please help me?
Help me create a list of places to go in this boooooooooooooooooring country.

I kinda hate being around buildings. This country is worse than a freaking concrete jungle. It's like... concrete amazon. HAHA I can't think of anything smarter than that.
I like places where I could chill with nature. Not concrete.
And there definitely needs to be no crowd too. I hate crowds.
Oh! And it involves using as little money as I possibly can hhaaha

I know, I know. I'm difficult.

I ♥ you

2010-10-14T02:44:00.004+08:00

Why the fuck must everything be so fucking unfair?
We can plan all the fuck we want but the world just fucks everything up.
Disappointment is a motherfucking understatement. I hate getting my hopes and dreams crushed time and again.
But I'll never give up. Cause I've been dealing with disappointments my whole fucking life.

Fuck reality.
I just wish things were a whole lot better in real life than in my fucking imaginations.

2010-10-11T02:43:00.004+08:00

Delete. I will not be frozen.
No more poison killing my emotion.
Please fuck off and die as I do not wish to see you anymore.

Is anyone else sick of my blog layout?
I think I've had this layout for more than a year now. I've tried searching for new layouts but they all look like shit.
I need something simple and minimalistic.

2010-10-07T02:02:00.001+08:00

It's been a long time since Marina Barrage opened but yesterday was our first time there. Seriously. We're that lazy.
And I have to say, that place is boring. The 45928754 distracting and confusing signs and the huge trucks that drove past us, the whole shenanigan wasn't worth it.
The view wasn't nice. Plus there wasn't even a single breeze.
The only thing interesting was the loud croaks of frogs.

Let go of your past by reliving it.
Letting go of your past means honoring your memories.
Letting go of your past can mean going back.
Letting go of your past means expressing your emotions.
Letting go of your past means being vulnerable.
Letting go of your past means burying your pride.

I feel like I've been carrying a heavy heart with me every single day.
Take heart in the knowledge that life is a bumpy ride, and most of the time things will eventually improve.
Even if hope has burned with time, anything that's dead shall be regrown.
Good riddance.

2010-10-05T19:40:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I wonder why we do the things we do.
Why we'd go the extra mile for people. Why we'd hurt people intentionally. Why we care so much. Why we don't give a flying fuck so much.
Can we blame it on the 'spur-of-the-moment reaction' or is it just human nature?

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother.
When others clearly don't. When you're putting in so much of your energy and effort but people don't notice.
In the end when things turn bad, you'll end up blaming yourself and you're left to wonder what went wrong in the first place.

I really wish everything in my life would go my way, according to what I had picture in my head.
Where nothing would ever go wrong and no one would hate each other for anything.
Where nothing negative could possibly happen and there will be happy faces everywhere, everyday.
I really wish.

2010-09-27T00:20:00.001+08:00

On his 23rd, I was broke, with no plans, with nothing to do.
I was so broke I almost cried. I hate being broke. I hate being left with no cash. And I'm still fucking broke!
I thought 2010 was gonna be a good year, but every year feels the fucking same to me. The 2nd half of the year is excruciatingly painful, and it hasn't even ended yet! I fear more torture and hurt up ahead.
I really wish I could turn back the clock and remain a kid. Life really was a playground back then.

Kids grow up and somewhere along the way, we simply forgot how to have fun.
Study, work, money.
Restrictions, controls, rules and regulations.
How far till the line is drawn? Will it ever stop? I think it'll stop only when I'm dead.
I'll never be myself ever again.

I'm letting go. I can only console myself by thinking of the future and not the fucking past.
I'm a problem that can never be solved, I apologise.
Everyone else needs to just go away.
Fuck off and die.

2010-09-16T22:35:00.000+08:00

I should wait for the White iPhone 4.
It looks gorgeous.

I've been wondering who still reads my blog. So I have Formspring, I'm still not sure what I made that for hahah
But I just put it up here for fun.
As you can see, it says "Amuse me" and not "Annoy me". So I hope people will get the idea.
If bullshit happens, I'll just delete it off.
Like what I did to my Facebook account. I had it for less than a week and I decided to delete that damn thing. Just too much hassle.

Raya has been okay.
I didn't help my parents out in the preparations cause
1. I was mugging my ass off for the exams and I can't fucking wait for the results
2. I was lazy to help them out
3. I find no point in cleaning everything only when it's the Raya period

Nothing much has been going on actually. Everything's been the same.
Only that I'm waiting for my certificate and my mum's refused to give me pocket money so I'm pretty much cashless now.
I feel like I'm on house arrest! With absolutely no cash. I thought of selling off my camera but the boy said no, and I just came up with the idea of selling off my sneakers but I'm not sure if anyone would buy them hhahahaa
Urgh I hate having no money! My dad's been real nice to me though. He spoils me the most. That's why I'm this way I guess. Everytime my mum doesn't give me something I'll end up sulking and not talking to her.
I'm a spoilt brat in denial, hurh.

But there's one person who doesn't spoil me often.

2010-09-06T01:13:00.004+08:00

FUCK!

2010-09-04T03:00:00.004+08:00

The boy and I sat at a park and did a quiz that was in 'lifestyle' magazine. It was a personality test to measure one's emotional quotient and stuff.
So obviously I was the one who scored most of the high points cause duh, I'm a girl and girls are pretty much emotional I guess.

And it got me thinking why humans are built this way. Generally speaking of course.
Why aren't men affected by emotions? Why are women so in touch with their emotions?
Why can't everyone have an "equal level" of emotion? If that makes any sense at all.
Why do we have such a drastic difference in the emotional aspect?

It's not a shocker when women worry about things unnecessarily but you don't see men doing that.
You don't see a guy moping around when he's facing problems.
In contrast, why the hell do girls cry more then guys do? Why do women get happy so easily? And why do they get sad so darn easily too?

I think men are more content and at peace with their lives than women are?
Why isn't it the same with women? Why do women want more, emotionally?

I hate that I have a woman's emotions.
I refuse to mope around, I refuse to worry, I refuse to be insecure, I refuse to be paranoid, I refuse to be in touch with my freakin' emotions.

In short, I refuse to be emotional. But the last time I checked, I still have a vagina instead of a dick hahaha so yes I am a girl. Tsk.

All this is generalised.
Woman = Emotional. Men = Not emotional. These aren't the rules. There are people who are exceptions.
And I wanna be an exception too.

I bet if I give all my love then nothing's gonna tear us apart.

2010-08-25T04:25:00.001+08:00

Heart's racing. Hands shaking.
No, it's not all good.

Fear, paranoia. Injustice, punishment. Hatred, grief.
I'm getting over it.

Optimism, happiness.
The secret of how to. But exactly how do I, with strength and dignity thrown out the window?
Right now, the idea of being a heartless Tin Man seems appealing to me.

2010-08-11T23:33:00.002+08:00

Goodbye beautiful day.
Come tomorrow I'll be gone, I'm sorry I can't stay.
This happiness is only temporary.

Time just withers away.
Seems like it can never stay. It just keeps running away.
I miss the days when I was so carefree.
Days when I had nothing to worry about.
When nothing really mattered except to live life and be happy.
I long for it.

2010-08-08T02:38:00.000+08:00

The secret to being skinny is to be stressed all the time.
If you want a confirmed success, add a touch of insomnia or better still, sleepless days and nights.
You might feel useless, hopeless and everything else depressing in between but all people want nowadays is to become skinny.
So that's the recipe.

So quit asking me why I'm skinny and how I got so skinny.
The world would be no different if I were to magically grow some fats between my skin and my bones.

Sick, tired and emotionless face. I have got to erase this day from my memory.
Faking my smiles had never been so goddamn difficult before.
That day was fucked and I never wanna remember it ever again. Fuck.
Fuck my 20th birthday. Fuck it all =(

I wish someone could invent a machine which erases memory. Where people can select what memory they would wish to erase, but it can be stored in an external memory.
Everyone would be happy =(

I wish the sleeping pills I've been taking actually works.

2010-08-01T22:00:00.000+08:00

Fasting month's due in like, a week.
Being the fucking laggard I am, I just realised that I didn't post up pictures of last year's jalan raya bullshit.
So here's some.

I hope I won't skip a day or any amount of days for that matter. Except for the obvious menses. I hate it when I have my period during fasting month.
It feels like I'm making God angry by not fasting hahahah wtfuck.

I don't know what else to blog about.

Just one thing.
I wish some people would stop appearing in my life.
They make me angry.
I don't hate them. I've no time to hate people. I try to filter them out of my life and ignore their existence, but they're like pimples; they keep popping out out of nowhere and they're such a pain.

School in the afternoon tomorrow, hooray. Goodnight.

2010-07-24T12:37:00.002+08:00

I wish I could type out every major event that has happened, is happening or will happen in my life.
But there's this thing called privacy and the only only thing I can do is leave myself hints of what was currently happening whilst blogging. So that when I reread my posts, I'll know exactly what I was blabbering about in the first place.

I wish I could vent out all my anger and frustration.
I wish I could say what was causing my sadness and despair.
I wish I could share my happiness and bliss.

But I guess what I'm trying to say is that we're born alone and we die alone. What happens in between, I'll keep them to myself. No matter how hard it is dealing with it alone.
I've learnt that lesson a hard way. I've learnt many lessons the hard way.
And I'm continuing to learn and I hope I won't stop.

On a side note, my last term is coming up next week. So, the end of school is nearing =(
I don't wanna grow up. I wanna stay in school forever, only without the exams.
And I'm really not excited about receiving my past module's results. I'd be stoked even if I got a D.
Looking forward to school again after 2 long weeks. Why 'long'? These 2 weeks have been a series of train-wrecks for me.

I don't know if my luck's gonna change, I don't know how long it's gonna continue this way, I don't know if it's ever gonna end. All I know is it's something I detest.
I would never ever want to go through it again.
Never, never, never, ever.

2010-07-19T02:14:00.003+08:00

Droooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooolsssss.
I want her hair, I want her wardrobe, I want everything that has got to do with her.
But I really want her hair though.
My hair was supposed to be like hers but it turned out so wrong. My hair took twice the amount of time to be properly dyed, even the hairstylist got impatient. The bleaching took twice the usual amount of time too! Macam cheebai.
I think my hair wants to stay black, so it's like, fighting back hahah
Whatever, there's still next time. I'll get my Gwen-ish hair soon.

It's already the third week of July. Flags and decorations in the neighbourhood are already out for National Day.
It makes me realise that I'm growing a year older.
Another period of realisation that makes me panic. That I haven't achieved anything significant in my life.

Truth is, I don't really know what I wanna achieve in life. It sounds sad, I know.
Like I've said before, I don't know what I want in the future. What I wanna be, what I wanna do for the rest of my life, what kind of person I wanna be, the whole bullshit.
The whole 'planning-for-the-future' thing scares the hell out of me.
At what stage do you consider yourself successful? When you're rich? I guess that's what's happening in Singapore.

I should really start thinking about this. First, I need to ask people what would they wanna achieve in life.
I would then get the idea of what it really means to have a goal in life. And then I'll set my own goals. But then again, I'll just get disappointed if I don't achieve the goal I've set.
It's a vicious cycle. It's sad.

I really need to stop posting depressing stuff. I need to start blogging in a happy mood.
But it's hard to achieve that aura nowadays.

I miss this period of time. I looked sick as hell, but I really do miss it.

2010-07-08T01:13:00.002+08:00

I ain't got many friends left to talk to
No one's around when I'm in trouble
You know I'd do anything for you
Stay the night but keep it undercover
I just wanna use your love tonight
I don't wanna lose your love tonight

I don't know what to update about leh. How?
I wanna talk about stuff but I just don't know what stuff to talk about.
I know I'm hungry, but I'm too lazy to cook stuff.

Okay I know what to talk about.
I wanna talk about how I have nowhere to go anymore. Almost everyday the boy asks me, "where do you wanna go?". And I'll be fucking clueless.
Then he'll get angry cause I don't know where to go then he'll keep on saying "then go home ah, then go home ah!". Hahah, typical.
And I'm so sick of Singapore's overpopulation. I hate going out on the weekends cause I'll get so annoyed with the crowds, which makes me stay in confined spaces.
Crowds are annoying especially at town, omg. You'll spend more time knocking into people rather than shopping. Eventhough I don't do that much shopping anymore.

Which reminds me, I haven't updated about something.
That I haven't smoked for about 2 months.
Yana would be so proud of me when she reads this.
I don't feel richer though, cause my allowance sucks balls. I don't feel healthier either, cause I still get tired after climbing some flights of stairs hahah
No lah abit healthier, I guess. Actually I can't really feel the difference hahahaha. I just didn't feel like smoking anymore, so I stopped. Weird but true.
I hope this continues till forever.

2010-06-20T23:45:00.000+08:00

Puppy hair. Kaninek.
Will do some highlights in the next few weeks or so I guess.

The boy and I were walking around the neighbourhood and we found this.

5 kittens!
We've been visiting them to see how they're doing.
We're not that worried about them cause they're taken care of by their mum. With additional help by some uncles who stay around the area who give the family food and water everyday. They always play mahjong at the void deck while the kittens play around.
The big box is their house, a real cute house the uncles made for them.

After playing with them for about an hour or so, they all slept at the same bloody time. Damn adorable.

I'm in dire need of sleep.
Ohkay bye.

2010-06-13T23:24:00.002+08:00

I just realised that I rarely bump into my friends when I'm out.
Weird thing is that I'm out almost everyday.
Maybe it's cause I don't go to crowded places. Or maybe cause I don't wear my contact lens or glasses out anymore.
Neh, whatever.

I dyed my hair again. All of it, the whole head. The cheebai hairstylist who tak sayang mulut said that my hair looks like a puppy.
Compliment or not, I don't care. Still so cheebai.
Then the boy, who accompanied me all the way, had the cheek to laugh. Tsk.
I'm planning to do more highlights. My hair should be more interesting by then, can't fucking wait. I hope the boy won't screw my hair up cause he's gonna do the highlights for me. I don't want my hair to look like his previous green hair; his grass hair! Hahah my God, this was 3 years ago.

Oh how I would kill to have a peace of mind back.
I won't ever forget anything that has happened for the past month or so.
Something went missing from my life and I will never get it back. Thus I can't help but envision what my life would be like if I hadn't made the decisions that I made, if I went the opposite direction.
I wonder how everything will change if I had kept what was rightfully mine.
The idea, the past and you will haunt me everyday. I will never have serenity ever again.

2010-05-15T03:34:00.000+08:00

I'm finding it so goddamn difficult to study, yet so easy to get distracted. It's so easy to waste time doing nothing but so hard to spend time doing something.
It's times like these when I wish I had a photographic memory.
So angry.

Now it's windy and raining too. A perfect weather and atmosphere to snuggle up in bed and sleep till sunrise. But no, I have to study.
So nenehpok.
And this type of weather makes me hungry, it makes everyone hungry.

(A moth just landed on my tummy. So adorable!)

Speaking of hunger, I just checked my weight and it's fucking 47kg.
I am 167cm tall, so that makes my BMI 16.9
The norm is 18.5 What the fuck? I am so underweight, man. I wonder why, I seriously do.
I have been eating more than 3 times a day. Full blast meals, no joke. Full plates of rice, noodles, chicken, whatever. You name it, I can finish it.
Now I'm so hungry, I can eat a bloody alien.

I cannot wait to go grab breakfast tomorrow. And then off to the bf's place to study.
I have to wake up at 8 in the freaking morning and it's 3.45 now.
I hate how my sleeping patterns change during exam periods. And then when I sleep, I'll have nightmares about school. About failing my modules, forgetting my exam dates, forgetting to wake up to go to the exams. You know, stuff like that. It's so annoying.

Ok gua mau blaja.

2010-05-10T04:01:00.001+08:00

Things happen when you least expect it.
We all make mistakes; the phrase that is still etched in my mind since day one, the words uttered to me by a complete stranger.

It's quite a tough period for me because there's a fine line between what I'm entitled to have, what I can't have and the possible negative reactions and objections.
And going through with the exams is not helping. It's so haaard!
I can't fucking concentrate and it's killing me.
Focus. Thank God I have the boy with me.

Why are people so amazed that I do not own a Facebook account?
What is the big deal?

2010-05-05T23:06:00.006+08:00

I sincerely wish that this life, the life we're all living in now is all merely a dream.
It's just that we haven't woken up yet from our deep sleep.
That way, when I've woken up and were to re-live my life, I would never ever make mistakes. I'll make perfect decisions.
Cause in this life we're in, there is no such thing as a perfect decision.

Assurance. Motivation. Love.
I need it.
Looking back, I used to have it all.
Everything's gone now and I am more than just demoralized. I cannot find a suitable word to describe it.

I have nothing.
Nothing except an image of what was once perfect.

=(

2010-04-28T00:59:00.002+08:00

Demoralized.
Everything around me tells me I can't do anything right.
And that I'm stupid. I've been called that quite a number of times over the past few months.
A negative impact will always come right at me. I wish what people say to me will fall on deaf ears. But turns out it doesn't.
I hate being me sometimes. I hate being a useless and stupid idiot.
I don't like where I'm at right now. This setting, the characters playing. I hate the roles we're all playing.
I'm hoping for everything to stop and just go back to how it used to be.

And.
Can someone enlighten me on when the topic of 'clubbing' has become a conversation starter?
Everytime someone wants to strike up a conversation with me, he/she will ask "Do you club?".
Is it a common question to ask people nowadays?
Then comes the next question, "Do you drink?".
Is that how people make friends nowadays? By asking them these two oh-so-fucking important questions?

I wonder if that's what primary school kids ask each other on the first day of school.

2010-04-19T23:02:00.006+08:00

Almost perfect.
And I'm more than happy.

Life goes on as per normal.
School. Sleep. Eat. Talk.
School is so nabey cheebai. But I like the work stress.
I'd rather have work stress than personal problem stress. They're much easier to be solved. Lesser hassle.

Oh, right about now I'm flat broke.
I have $5.05 in my red red wallet - the most favourite thing I have in my bag.
This $5.05 is gonna have to last me till the last day of this month.
Major bullshit.

I have a picture I wanna share with you! Whoever you are.

Lola is all grown up!
But still noisy and annoying.
And it turns out, Lola's a female! But she looks like she has balls.
Though she has a vagina. hahahahhaa

I am running out of things to say.
The boy is pestering me to update just so he can update his blog also.
So I'll end here.

Are you happy now, honey?
Love you silly flower boy.

2010-03-23T21:03:00.002+08:00

I don't know...

what to think.
what to say.
what to do.

I just don't know.
Almost every move I make will turn out to be a costly mistake.
It's almost impossible to find a peace of mind.
Almost nothing I do is satisfactory, acceptable nor a success.
Note the word 'almost'.

Verbally bashed, mentally pressured.
Forgive me as I wallow in my self-pity.

On a happier note, meet Na-Na, Ru-Ru and To-To.
A longer form of 'Naruto'. Zzz.
The pictures of 'Kittens at East Coast', I promised to show from the last post, which was updated a gazillion years ago.

They were running and jumping around, cute as a button.
The ended up sleeping on my bf's lap cause the wind was super strong and made all of us sleepy as hell.

They're no longer staying with us, cause they're big enough to be out on their own now.
We do look out for them, give them food and make sure they're still ohkay.

Now we have a new kitten.
Meet Lola.

The girly-named kitten which I think is gonna turn out to be a male. Hahahhaa.
Whatever, he has such a stereotypical female character - attention-seeking, noisy, pampered, you get what I mean.
For now, I'll just refer to Lola as a 'he'.
He's fucking fat and has a ginormous round tummy. He eats a whole lot of food for a kitten his size. But it's all well-balanced cause he's an active kitty. Annoyingly active.
But he's a keeper.

One night all alone.
I'll survive.

2010-03-05T20:06:00.000+08:00

Dope Boys

The Game | MySpace Music Videos

Why do all songs sound the same nowadays?
They are all so predictable. Nothing wows me anymore. Mundane shit.

I wanted to upload some pictures from the time my bf and I took the kittens out to East Coast, but I keep forgetting to bring my camera home.
There's always a next time.
Currently I'm fed up with the plants in my fish tank. They keep dying! But it's ohkay, my fishes are all still alive. 99% of them at least =/
The other 1% committed their own suicide.

Legends.
When is their fucking album coming out?
At least I have my personal Tom DeLonge ^_^

2010-02-07T02:40:00.000+08:00

I guess it's a very late forecast, but 2010 is looking pretty good for me.

It took a turn while I was at a low peak. It might not have been my lowest, but I just knew things were going to get better.
And it really did.

Didn't take long for me to come to my senses - I've been too comfortable with what I've been doing since I've graduated. Time to be a full-fledged adult.
Have to get out of my comfort zone and adapt to changes.
I need to juggle time between my studies and spending time with the boy I can't live without.
While he has to sort out his own priorities too.

Macam susaaaaaaaaaah je!
No matter. I hope everything will work out. No, I won't hope. I will work it out.

But now I can safely say; Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010.

2010-01-12T01:42:00.002+08:00

Actions and words are always judged.
By the people you love, and even by strangers.
People hang on to your words, put hope on them and expect something magical out of it.
But when you don't deliver, worst still if you don't realize what you're doing is wrong, your world as you know it just crumbles.
It falls apart.

Time won't reverse.
Neither will it wait for any man.
Few lessons learnt, alot more lessons to be learned.
Giving up was what i preached. Time goes by and things have changed. I try instead.

With all my heart and soul.

2009-12-16T14:20:00.000+08:00

Going nowhere.
How sad.

2009-11-18T17:25:00.000+08:00

My God, my bf is snoring. Sungguh tak handsome.
So now I have some time to reflect on some shit.

2009 went by fucken fast, I must say. Life for me still remains stagnant.
Quite disappointed in myself for not being able to achieve something more significant that would benefit me and my future.
I keep thinking that I can do something better for myself and for the few people that matter to me, but I always end up failing and screwing everything up. Hurting people, saying harsh words that I don't really mean deep down inside me, you get what I mean.

Before 2009 ends, before any life ends, before anything ends, I just wanna say that I'm sorry if any of my actions or whatever I have said previously to any of my friends or any of you, whoever you are, have hurt you in any way whatsoever.
I always feel a tad bit of sorrow everytime a year will come to a close.

Ohkay nak kluar. Bye.

Love you honey.

2009-09-09T21:16:00.001+08:00

Opinions. When does a normal everyday person's opinions matter?
Never.
None of our opinions ever matter.
Because who are we? Nobody.

Just cause you think you are a somebody does not necessarily make you one.
So, don't take like a somebody when all you are is a nobody.

No matter.

I suggest you grab your ankles and kiss your ass goodbye.

Fasting month has been awesome shit.
I think I can save more than 30bucks per week cause I haven't been eating out that much.
Plus zaman bile nak hisap rokok lagi eh? But there are times when I still give in to temptation, so I still do suck.

Look to the past and remember and smile
And maybe tonight I can breathe for awhile
I'm not in this scene I think I'm falling asleep
But then all that it means is I'll always be dreaming of you

2009-08-13T23:42:00.001+08:00

HAHA!
Now I know how much of a lazy ass I can be.
Nak update pon malas. Malas tak agak2 siol. Bodoh pey cheebai.

So, about Tioman.

We didn't do anything much except get in the water and stuff.

But the bf did get to see a shark in the water while we were snorkeling.
Then he merajok with all the fishes and climbed onto the boat cause all the fishes kept biting him hahaha aiyah.

But we mainly did alot of eating and sleeping. Bodoh pey babi.

And that's that.
It's a fucken peaceful place though. I forgot all the things that clouded my mind whilst in Singapore.
But scary ah, got people die there ah. Lucky never die there.

Then there was my birthday.
Haiyah, idk why my bf is very sweet nowadays. (Takmo kembang eh, cb!)
Together with surprises and stuff. Even got Haiqal and Yany involved with the surprise. Haiyah.

Kimak dustbin sebok siol.
I love you, pig.

Btw, my hair like minahrep's hair right?! Kanina!

2009-07-20T13:57:00.000+08:00

Updates about Tioman will be up soon, cause both my camera and hard disk is with that boy.
But we didn't take that many photos cause... I don't know why actually.
Maybe we were both lazy to take pictures.
4 days and 3 nights with only him. Bosan. ahahhaha

After getting back from Tioman I vowed never to smoke again.
Cause those fucking fags are getting more fucking expensive.
Went a day without it and my throat hurts like hell.
Went 2 days without them and my temper flared up, headaches, mucus trickling down. Disgusting.
Cannot tahan already, smoked a stick.
Now my throat still hurts like fuck and I don't feel like talking cause the pain is fucking unbearable.
Wanna swallow my saliva pon sakit nak mampos.
I think I'm gonna be real sick soon.
Cannot, cannot! I have to work.

OH.
My red highlights have turned into a coppery colour and now I look like a fucking minahrep.
Colour rambot karat siol chao cheebai.
And my skin colour has turned into a typical malay skin colour which makes me look more like a minahrep.
Haiyah.

By the way,
Happy 19th Birthday Elyana Amran!
I miss you. And you know I love you. Alot alot. Ohkay?! =D

2009-06-30T02:59:00.001+08:00

I'm sick of playing robot.
I think this is how I was brought up like. Reared by a bunch of robots.
Robots with no feelings, no wants, no needs.
Fucking lunatics.
I can't live like this.

But I can live like that.
I <3 irritating/deaf/idiotic/kental fucker.

2009-06-23T03:13:00.002+08:00

Hi =)
I'm a very happy girl.
Mainly cause I'm going (seepicturebelow) next month.

With my boyfriend.

I was actually supposed to be downloading and uploading songs to his mp3 for him, activate his debit card and some more shit while he's asleep like a fat pig but I went around looking for tour packages instead.
And holy hell I'm excited as fuck.

Eventhough things in life has been pretty rough for me recently,
Eventhough I feel like giving it all up sometimes,
Eventhough I have a huge ego,
You know I love you.

2009-06-02T03:10:00.000+08:00

1. My camera needs some lovin'.
In the context of a new lens lah, you sick bastards.

2. Get my hair done.
Trim, bleach, highlight.

3. Buy new music.

4. Bottoms up at (insertpubname) next weekend.
Imma get wasted I tell ya.

5. Fishing trips with the family.
I have no idea why they're into this fishing fad.
My bro has a perangai wak-wak already sia gi pancing. Then my dad got hooked into it also. Siao.
But all's in the name of fun. Plus I get to take nice pictures.
Which brings me back to point number 1. Nabey chi teng teng.

With that, I ask myself.
How to save money ah?

You know, the question that constantly crosses my mind is "why was money ever created?".
Look at the mess everybody's in. It's all because of money.
It's the source of all things evil.
If money wasn't created and if trading of goods still existed till today, we'd be living in peace I bet. There'd be no such thing as 'poverty'.
Everyone would have something to offer in return of something else they desire.
I don't know if the person who created money is a genius or a dumbass.

Really makes me think.

Oh yeah.
A number 6 to add on to my list.
Spend time with the bf.
Yes, he's back.

2009-05-29T03:34:00.002+08:00

I wanna fly a kite.
Hard to find a nice open field with strong winds and shiet.
Even harder to find a store that sells nice kites. haha.

I reckon the rest of this year will be the most lepak I'll ever be in my entire life.
Lets have a look-see at my new improved to-do list for 2009.

1. Get a new job.
2. Pass my driver's license test.

That's about it, yeah.
2 things that need to be achieved within 7 months hahahah
Number 1 is almost done cause I can pull some strings here and there.

Talking about getting a new job, eversince I told my team I wanted to quit, my in-charges have been sulking like I'm gonna die soon.
One moment they'll persuade me not to quit and the next, they'll say "but in the end it's up to you to decide.".
And then they'll persuade me not to quit. Again. It's been a cycle for 2 weeks.
Sweet that some people recognize my strengths and actually appreciate them.

So anyways, conclusion.
I love 2009. So far.
It's the 1 year break I've always wanted.
The period where only my decisions matter. Where only I call the shots. The year where I do the things I wanna do.

Rad.

2009-05-22T01:43:00.001+08:00

I wish none of this had ever happened. If only I turned my back on you from the very beginning, it won't turn out this way.
You pulled me into this mess and now you'll have to sort it out on your own.

Your words mean squat to me. Disappointment is an understatement.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Right now I can't help but question the "what ifs".
Oh well.

2009-05-19T00:19:00.003+08:00

I hate it when people don't get my sarcasm.
I'd rather beat around the bush than say it straight.
Heh I think I'm too nice to tell people off that way.
Haiyah.

And I hate it when people keep things from me.
Not tangible objects, it's the thoughts in their head. Their problems.
I hate it when people leave me hanging.
You guys know me. People can tell me anything in the world and I won't judge. I never do.
So please, don't say "thanks anyway" or "ok take care" when you know that I know something's going on in that head of yours.
I have telepathic powers too, y'know ahah

Bad news for me. Liverpool's tickets for the match against Singapore is going at 88bucks for gallery seats or 188bucks for the grandstand seats.
Of course I'd want the grandstand ones but fuck I'm going to Tioman on the month itself. Hopefully.
Plus I haven't been saving my money. I just spent around 50bucks today. Just like I spent 4 times the amount a few days ago.
And I still owe my mum some cash. Dammit.
Sape2 nak kasi aku early birthday present, please buy me a grandstand ticket to the bloody match.
"Pu tang ina" _|_ ahhaah

Oh, yeah balls!
I've been contemplating on changing my job cause I'm sick of working there already, and freaking Raoul's freaking supervisor invited me to join them.
Dude. Raoul.
HELLS YEAH.
But I want either agnès b, G-Star Raw or Blackjack.
Memilih pulak aku -.-

2009-05-11T01:00:00.000+08:00

Stop being a smart alec.
No one likes a smart alec.
One thing I always keep in mind, no matter how smart or wise I think I am, I'll always know that there is someone a million times more smarter and wiser than me.
I know there are millions of people more knowledgeable than me.
It's called a sense of humility. Learn it some time, dude.

Spending a whole lot of my time outside of home, it's a darn good feeling to know that my parents still do love and care about me no matter how much they nag about and detest my seriously screwed up behaviour.
But dad's a darn cool dude and I'd die if anything bad happens to him.
Mum. What can I say. I'd die for her.
I love how they ask how my day went when I've settled down in my living room couch after a long day.
Sometimes it sucks when I reach home in the wee hours of the morning only to find them already asleep. By then only Cookie and Bob are awake. Then they'll join me in bed and wrestle around with me hahahaa.
Lucky the bed never roboh ah.

Anyhoos. Shopping with mum later today!
The last time I shopped with her, I ended up forking out 150bucks for a pair of new shoes which she said she was gonna buy for me which she didn't while saying "your shoes, your money,". Steady only ah, mother!
Lesson learnt, if you wanna make a deal with parents, you have to write it down in black and white and ask them to sign on the dotted line ahhahahaha

Wanna go donate blood or not ah later?
Lazy ah wanna wake up early early on my bloody off day. Sian ah, fatherrrrrr!!! Your daughter wanna sleep like pig, don't kacau her ohkay? Ohkay best.

"You'll be the one that I'll love forever more
I'll be here holding you high above it all"

Apparently, I'm an ah-moy who is already married.
Tak ingin aku kahwin dengan kau, Zy!!! hahahhaahhaa

2009-05-06T02:06:00.002+08:00

Office politics.
I can never work in peace.
This is probably why I can never work with humans.
I think I'm better off working a zoo, animal shelter or some wildlife organization.
That would be hella fun.
IMAGINE CUDDLING CUTE BABY ANIMALS EVERYDAY. Cool shiznack.

So, swine flu.
I seriously thought I was hit by it. Eventhough I don't eat pigs. Eee.
Had fever for 4 days straight but I could still have the energy to gerek-gerek with my kaki gereks.
But I didn't go doc ah. Scared swine flu ah. If I die also, nevermind lah. Tak menyusahkan orang.
But I'm all better now. Not dead. So, hello.

And hello again to blogging.
I'm actually bored, there's no new and interesting music to listen to, I can't sleep eventhough I have work at 9, I have nothing to do, my bed's in a mess, I'm too lazy to tidy it up, I haven't been home in the longest time, I'm dead tired, my life's in a bloody mess, I have no time for myself, the meeting I had just now was a complete waste of my time, work's been a pain in the neck to me, imagine being the in-charge of a mega store for 3hours straight, alone, with no one to help you but yourself and damn this sentence is long, I need to end it now.
So yeah, that's why I'm typing nonsense.

I miss being a student. I don't fancy the idea of working till the end of time.
I wanna be a student till the day I die.
All you do at school is meet your friends, have long ass conversations about nothing, pretend to listen to the lecturer and go have fun after school. I miss that.
All you do at work is... work. "Work you bloody fool, work!".
Bloody cheebs.
I cannot cannot cannot wait to go back to school.

My bank account is running low on cash.
Thank heavens my pay's coming in tomorrow.
Weeeeeeeeeeooooooo can go gerek-gerek again.
Forever gerek-gerek. Bile yang kau tak gi gerek-gerek, Far?

Ohkay aku sleepy.
Imma go join my kitty in bed!

By the way.
It's May!

2009-04-19T01:51:00.001+08:00

GONE

2009-04-11T04:25:00.000+08:00

I. Am. Such. A. Jerk.
What a surprise -.-

Hahah updates are like, weekly now.
I don't even bother to switch on my laptop cause, well, I have better things to do.

So just now, I woke up thinking that I'll be out by 7pm to buy my stuff but someone, coughyanycough just had to work till 10. hahaha
So I bathed at around 9, got out of home at 10pm, chilled at Haiqal's workplace for awhile till we were restless and our butts were sore and got home at 2.45.
Thought I was gonna be out till like 4 but someone had to work at 2 later ah hahaaha
I reached the shower and I was like, "Eh, aku macam baru mandi. Mandi lagi."
Weird.
I hope our trip will happen. Combined birthday celebrations are always the best =D
Excited gile babi to the core punye crust!!!

3/4 of the people I know didn't get to poly. Even after they've appealed. Mampos.
It's a funny situation for me cause, well, getting into one didn't really matter to me.
Maybe it did, financial wise, but other than that, I had no worries cause there are always alternatives.
Everyone always has to have a Plan B. What's life without plans.
Mum said I was a negative thinker but of course you'll look at both sides instead of thinking that everything will go your way. We won't always win. We'll lose too, sometimes. Most of the time for me, so fuck it.

Had a talk with mum, kay not talk, more like head-to-head argument with her.
I think she's pissed that I'm not around anymore and she's trying to pick fights with me here and there just so we could communicate.
But anyways, my mum kinda made sense.
I'm usually the only one in the house who makes sense but I hate it when she's the one. It makes me feel as though I didn't think things out enough. Like I had to put alot more thought to my plans.
But I for one, being the motherfucking egoistic bitch I am, stood my ground. ahahahahaa anak kurangaja gile babi sia aku tadi.
Cheebai! If I was my mum, I would've thrown the glass bowl she had in her hands straight to my head and watch me bleed to my death. ahhahahahaha
I need to learn to keep my mouth shut.

But for now, I'll grab some shut eye.
Gonna grab some grub with the boys later.
Productive weekend =D

2009-04-05T19:34:00.002+08:00

HEHE.
The best part of this week was Benayoun scoring the winning goal for Liverpool at Craven Cottage yesterday.
I could've cried out of joy I tell you.
You know, eversince Liverpool's form is up, I see people wearing their jersey everyday. Makes me angry as hell.

I've been reading Shakespeare's plays and I've fallen in love with his language.
It's prettyfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuul.

Ay, springes to catch woodcocks. I do know,
When the blood burns, how prodigal the soul
Lends the tongue vows. These blazes, daughter,
Giving more light than heat, extinct in both
Even in their promise as it is a-making
You must not take for fire

See. Prettyful. Abstracted from 'Hamlet'.
Difficult as hell to understand, but no doubt, awesome.

Oh yeah. I'm an ignorant. And some people are being such fucks.
Three choices.
i) Deal with it
ii) Pack your shit up and leave
iii) I can pack my shit up and I'll leave

2009-03-30T22:56:00.001+08:00

Save your sarcasm and witty remarks for someone who actually gives a shit.
Cause, newsflash, I don't give a fuck. Shocker.
I'm glad I have a life you can't ever enjoy.
I hope it stays the same.

And aye, I'll always have the last say.
Cause I'm a bitch that way.

Heh, I guess I've been a workaholic-in-denial.
I've slept for barely 15 hours since Thursday. And it's already gonna be a Tuesday. No thanks to work and the occasional meetups with the mofos I have as friends.
Which reminds me of the pit. hahaha the memorable pit.
My oh my, the stupid things we do.
This is why I like doing stupid things. We'll all probably get together one day after some time and laugh about what we did a few days, weeks, months or even years ago.

I had a chauffeur and an escort to send me home ahhahah tak tau malu.
Member step shy nak amik gambar. Geram je aku.

Oh by the way,

I ♥ you girls.
You're the only two girls who truly understand me inside out, tip to toe, hair to nail, flesh and bones, upstairs downstairs, luar dalam dan seluar dalam heh.
I have like, less than 5 girl friends so I treasure you girly girlies alot. Like, alot.
If I was a lesbian, I'd marry the both of you and we'll live happily ever after hahaha

Anyway.
I've given up a whole lot of my weekends for work. It sucks ass to work on a weekend, fuck.
But even if I were to make plans for the weekend, I'll have nowhere to go.
My God, Singapore so boring lah cheebai. Everyday go out go out, go same place. Bodoh.
Bile nak gi Tioman siol.
I hope I don't get accepted into a school so I can be a bummer, work part-time gile babi pundek and save up to go to Tioman.
Which will never happen if I were to be accepted in a school ah cheebai. Cause then I'll work for my stupid expenses... Ohkay no, I'll work to buy shoes, tops and shietttt. So yeah heh.

So boring concrete jungle Singapore can kiss my brown buttcheeks.

And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

People only want what they can't have.
When they do- have, they'll lose sight of it.
Once it's gone, regret sets in. Don't make me make you regret.

Oh yeah, you take care too.

Results 1st and 3rd May.
Palabuto!

2009-03-26T19:32:00.002+08:00

Yessah! I don't suck at bowling afterall.
No more main longkang for me.
I was kinda bummed that the bowling alley closed at 1am. I thought it closes at 4am everyday.
Turns out it closes at 4am only on weekends. And we have to finish off our set at 12.30am on weekdays.
Merepek kia. Stupid.

I'm lucky I have friends like these two mofos.
Even when things go wrong, we still make each other happy till the time we part.
Sampai my supposed "5 fags a day" rule got broken. By twice or more of the agreed amount haha
Step nak cut down je. Kiss ass ah, Far.

From having no plans, to getting kicked out of the building premises by the security guard, to bowling, to talking shit till 3, everything was all good.
No, it wasn't good. It was great. All I could've ever asked for.

So happy belated birthday my dear Haiqal Hamzah.
Hope you liked the present, the cake and this day.
This was all we could do for you. Yany and I, we love you.

2009-03-23T22:20:00.000+08:00

Buto. Mak kau peh laki ah.

2009-03-21T03:11:00.006+08:00

Officially graduating is the most awesome thing I could've ever asked for.
Amazingly I'm not bored or have nothing to do after graduating, like how some people are.
And now that school is no longer in my schedule, I have more time to do the things I wanna do.

I have my days to work.
I have my days to chill at home.
I have my nights to go out.

And then there are days when I get stressed.
Mainly over tangible materials which are far beyond my reach.
Saini was an asshole. Psycho-ing me into making a quick decision. But I've made up my mind, initially.
So I'm tryina save big big big bucks.
Hopefully by cutting down on the cigarettes and stop shopping.

Ah, who the hell am I kidding. I can't live without the two.

I said before that I wanna buy stuff for my camera and shiet.
It's prolly not gonna happen cause I'm thinking of selling it off.
The thought of it makes me sad, maaaaaaaaaaaaan.
No matter. I'm trading up! =D

But everything comes to a standstill till I get my hands on both license.
Hoorah.

A Static Lullaby doing a cover of Britney Spears's Toxic.
Fucking cool shit.
Punk Goes Pop 2 album is outtt!
Check it out here.

2009-03-13T14:34:00.002+08:00

I hate calling my dad at the wrong time while he's at work.
Like when he's busy counting money or something.
Kene maki atas bawah sia hahahaha fuck. He acts as if I'm one of his colleagues he can easily scold upside down.
I think he doesn't like picking up my calls cause he'll end up buying food for me to munch on hahahaha

And the funniest thing happened yesterday.
My family and I were watching NatGeo I think. It was about falcons, falconers and the sport they take part in.
So anyways.
They interviewed this guy and the narrator said his name.
It was "somethingsomethingsomething Cheebai".
I looked at my dad, looked at my brother, and we all went "AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!!!"
I think the guys who always lepak at my void deck could hear us laughing.
Then my dad went, "AHAHAHAHAAH CHEEBAI!!! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH NAME MEREPEK! Takde name lain ke dorang nak letak. ahhahaahah cheebai. Bodoh nye dorang!".
ahaahaha kanina.
I couldn't get over it. Neither could my dad. Kept on saying cheebai cheebai cheebai while we were eating dinner. ahahha wtfuck.

Heeeeeeeeeeeeennyways.
I realize I haven't blogged about my boyfriend for quite some time eh.
Member botak, babe. Nonsense ah that old man.
I'm waiting for his picture so I can laugh till I die =D haha
No questions asked when I say I miss him. Neh.

Other than that...
School's over woowoowowoowoowowowowoooooowwowowowooo!!!
I can't find words to elaborate further cause I'm feeling too much joy =D
Check2 takleh graduate eh. Palabuto ah ahhaahah

And now I'm waiting for a particular cheebai to call me up so I can get my ass out of my house.
Bodoh nye apek.
Kay bye.

2009-03-09T00:35:00.002+08:00

"Hey, don’t concentrate so hard, man. I think I smell hair burning." - Juno

I. Am. Doomed.
I'm so gonna flunk my exams, it's not even funny anymore. Damn.
I'm stoked about graduation though.
But I think if I were to study further, I'd be dead sick of studying.
My brain is going to implode if anymore facts are absorbed.

I'll need to start my own planning for PS's photoshoot.
Where to shoot, what time of day, what to use. All those shenanigans.
I need to buy more shiznack for my darling camera too. Filters, flash, lens.
Or maybe I'll trade up for another camera. Dammit.
But having 2 would be awesome. Aaaaaah, I need more moolah.

This exam and school shit is such a pain in the ass.
It's more like a brick-wall-between-me-and-having-fun-while-earning-some-greens rather than an obstacle I have to overcome to have a "successful and bright future".
Balls.
What has education got to do with a successful and bright future? I can be dumb as hell like Patrick Star and still have a successful and bright future. The future I want. Not the future society wants. Urgh.

Some people are born to be outstanding.
Some people are born to be normal.
Everyone wants to be a somebody.
No one wants to be a nobody.
Well I'm gonna be the first person who wants to be a nobody.

Urgh, back to my notes.
Looks like I won't be sleeping tonight.

2009-03-05T01:08:00.003+08:00

London (harder, better, faster, stronger) from David Hubert on Vimeo.

Awesome shit video.

Before I get back to studying,

Happy birthday Haiqal!
*cough* colour difference *cough* aahahaha
Once again we'll celebrate someone's birthday. I'm sick of planning already ah, I tell you first.

Oh my you're all grown up. ahah
No boyfriends or girlfriends allowed next time.
ahahaha stupid Ila and mat Malaysia boyfriend. Berkepit je! ahahahaaa
And no kerinting too, Daya. ahahahah! whatthefish man.

So anyways, happy birthday ah boy.
Check2 besok NS. mahahhahaa government dog!
Love <333

Random, but

Courtesy of Nizam.
I'm gonna miss the ITE kids =(
SLEEPOVER SOON! Weeooweeeoooweeeoooo.

LOVE! <333

2009-03-02T16:21:00.004+08:00

Being there made me feel old.
I picked a spot at the back and sat down.
I saw younger kids trying to make it big and shiet. Seeing them mingle with each other. ahha.
The crowd gets younger everytime I go to a different gig. What is becoming of this? aha aiyoyoh.
Nevertheless, had a good time with these people.

Despite being this young, I've seen quite a fair share of things and learnt quite a lot.
Like how some things aren't built to last.
And how some people can be so immature as to not accept fact and curse everything and anyone in their way.
People, people. Grow up.
But aye, I could smell it coming from a mile away.

Oh jyeah.
Holy hell it's march already.
Time really does fly when you're having lots of fun. Too much fun.

HARDCORE STUDYING STARTS TODAY.
Seriously.

2009-02-21T02:07:00.004+08:00

Two steps away from home and I could already hear them bickering.
Everyone is at a war with each other, one way or another.
It doesn't stop till someone walks off defeated when the other says, "No way! No way!".
Typical. Pisses me off.
Urgh.

Living in this country blows.
When I wanna order stuff online and when I start to fill out my information, Singapore isn't in there. Even when the website claims that they ship "worldwide". Worldwide my ass.
Bullockssssssssssssss! Makes me sad after having high hopes of getting the stuff I want.
Hurh.
Brands and labels available in Singapore sucks like.. like.. oh my God I can't find a word to describe it. And everything is so overpriced, I feel like killing myself.
Things cost almost 2 times more after the shipping and whatever shiznack that comes after it. Holy cow, this country seriously BLOWS. I wanna get out of S-I-N-G-A-P-O-R-E.

I am a hungry pig.

By the way love, we make an amazing team.
=(

2009-02-15T03:38:00.001+08:00

haha Valentines Day konek.
I need to customize a shirt that says "Stop asking my guy friends to buy me flowers.".
Their tees should be "She's not my girlfriend. Stop asking me to buy her flowers.".

Things to do.
1. Buy a 3295692720563GB external hard disk hohoho. My laptop has less than 5GB of space left, whatthehell. Too many pictures and music I reckon.
2. Get my head straight. I am confused and I feel guilty as hell. No, I'm not turning gay. Eventhough Gwen Stefani can turn me into one. If she loves me, I'll love her back. For sure. I'll leave my boyfriend for her ahahaaha snort.
3. Prioritize. Family or friends. School or work. Quit or continue.

But heck, my world sees a ray of sunshine with

and

REUNITINGGGGGGGGGG.
My. Two. Most. Favourite. Bands. Reuniting.
I'll be the first in line to buy tickets to watch them perform live here.

One post without profanities =]

2009-02-08T23:19:00.000+08:00

What the bloody fish.

Games? I can play games.
I play games better than you ever could.
I thought I've changed to be a better person, but it looks like I'm still the same bitch I was 2 years ago.
My ego is bigger than a collective 10,000 guys' egos put together. Yes, I'm that much of a moron.
Nothing I did deserves this.
I've right your wrongs and now it's time you returned the favour.

I hate changes.
Changes and me, we've never gotten along well.
No matter how much I put up a strong front, I'd end up fucking running away.
I beat myself up for doing so but it happens time and time again.

I miss Alvin. I miss Marinah.
They've been my substitute parents for quite some time and them leaving was a smack in my face.
Home has never felt so un-homely before. Actually it always is.
But I've never felt so distanced like I do now.
I thank the people I have around me for keeping me quite sane, though noone knows what goes through my mind.
I think I'm gonna die from imploding veins in my brain.

Screw this.
I'm done trying to make myself a better person.

2009-02-05T23:51:00.001+08:00

!@#;$":{}.]|}%^&*(+_)(;*&[^.%$#@!&*||,{;'}()_*%\":@#$?<>/

Nabey cheebai sibei lanciao.

_|_

And Fid, my prayers will be with you. Get well soon.
I'll visit you when I'm free.
LOVE <333

2009-02-02T00:10:00.008+08:00

Pics feat. bapak2 babi. Saini, Fauzy and Lutfi.
2 D60s, 1 Fisheye lens, 1 Speedlight Flash.

City Alive!
Wasn't a blast, but it wasn't a bore either.

I hate to be kept in the dark.
Not literally. Metaphorically.

I have no reasons for my actions. I just wanna live my life, however short it may be.
Even if it means breaking ties along the way.
And losing sleep too. My eyebags have eyebags. Oh, the horror.
Mistakes I make today, I reflect and learn.
I break hearts, but hell that's just who I am.

This lifestyle, it won't last long I'm sure.

2009-01-23T03:04:00.004+08:00

Cheebai kia!

1. People just HAD to fucking piss me off at 3 in the fucking morning.
2. This sounds bimbotic as hell, but my nails just HAD to break this couple of weeks. Now I have uneven nails. Damn.
3. It was never YOUR thing. It's MY thing. Bitch. URGH!
4. I have 2 pairs of sneakers that are fucking awesome to the core of awesomeness that I have my sights on and I'm cracking my head on how I'm gonna buy the 2. On top of paying my phone bill that has almost reached 115bucks. Yes, there are a million other things in life I should be bothered about but heck, the sneakers are to die for
_|_ (-___-) _|_

I don't know why I'm cranky as hell after getting home from meeting the 2 gay boys.

Saini: "Eh kat atas ade ape?"
Lutfi: "Toilet ah."
Saini: "Toilet ape?"

aahahahahha kimak. Toilet ape. Toilet lah bodoh!
Mentang2 dah pagi, smue bual tonggang tebalik.
I think I'll grow fatter from constantly hanging out with them. Go here, eat. Go there eat.
Nabey. Bapak2 babi!

So yeah anyways. I'm fucking cranky right now.
But it's alright, it's ohkay.
I can't wait to fucking party with my girls at fucking Gotham Penthouse and St. James. And errr the Chingay after-party lol what a place.
Come. CEPAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!
Can't wait, balls!
Fuck school. Fuck exams. Fuck everything.
Party ah ape lagi.

So today's a Friday.
Oh, there's school? Screw schooooool.
Sleep better lah! Come, sleep with me. Don't need to go to school lah ahahaha
Goodnight nerds _|_

2009-01-18T02:17:00.001+08:00

All in the name of fun.

Don't wanna go, don't wanna go, but we ended up the last few people left standing.
Another memorable event with the bitches, hoes, whores and bastards lol
I think I'm gonna miss being in ITE.

"Kat skolah smue nampak decent. Kat luar, tandok smue kluar. Dah macam setan!" - Shah Indra

Just when I thought the year ahead looked bright, it just turned bleak again.

And I'm hungry as hell. FUCK!

2009-01-12T00:17:00.000+08:00

ADDICTED

2009-01-09T23:35:00.005+08:00

I hate saving up.
I hate to control my food intake just so I can save up a few bucks.
I hate walking around town and malls only to find nothing I like.
I hate searching for something I want and find absolutely nothing nice.
I hate second-guessing on whether to purchase something or not.
I hate waiting for my pay to shop, but then along comes some other bullshit that screws my plans up.
I hate it when my plans screw up.
I hate the fact that I'm a perfectionist.
I hate being so proper, setting aside some of my cash for bills, transport and all that shiznack.
I hate responsibilities.
I hate this country's law of no smoking at sheltered areas, lift lobbies, entrances and exits to buildings and facilities, playgrounds, multi-storey carparks and shit (Information is for my pig of a boyfriend, in case he forgets when he comes back here. So he won't get fined).
I hate feeling bad when I smoke on the way to school cause I walk at sheltered areas to get to the train station.
I hate typical Singaporeans.
I hate typical Singaporeans who push others to get on the train quick.
I hate typical Singaporeans who don't give up their seats to pregnant ladies, old folks and/or the disabled. Fucking animals!!

Aaah. I hate so many things omg wtfuck.

2009-01-06T22:26:00.000+08:00

Oh my God I'm gonna be 19 this year.
The big two zero next year. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeehehehe!

Since school started and everything, people have been questioning, "So what are your plans for the future?".
Then people would be going all this-and-that about their plans.
And I'll be the only one sitting down and thinking to myself, asking what the hell I'm gonna do for the rest of my life.
THE REST OF MY LIFE.

It's a big decision to make despite only being 19.
Imagine waking up and doing the same thing at your workplace over and over and over again till you retire.
Whoa. Productive -.-
Tsk. How ah? I'm graduating in 3 months, man.
Damn.

And if my grades are power to the max punye grades nevermind lah.
My grades are like, omg bloody bullshit.
Nonsense sial.
Plus, I was too lazy to sign myself up for any goddamn CCA in school. So no extra CCA points for me.
I'm such a bummer -.-
But aye, I passed my NAPFA. meeehehehehehe

Aiyah worst come to worst, I'll make my part-time job a full-time one.
My manager randomly told me to sign a contract already ahahah siao.

"Chin up. Put your shoulders back, walk proud, strut a little. Don't lick your wounds: celebrate them. The scars you bear are the signs of a competitor. You're in a lion fight. Just because you didn't win doesn't mean you don't know how to roar."

2009-01-03T01:54:00.002+08:00

"Sial ah. Smue tempat tak boleh hisap rokok. Starting January 1st I wanna quit smoking already lah!" - Fid
ahahahaa kau jangan macam paham eh Fid.
Dah 842972487203487 kali aku dengar kau cakap nak quit.
Tadi kau matao dengan aku lagi ade. cb.

Smoke breaks with Afiq is always fun.
Everytime he sees me outside his store, he'll know that it's time to go smoke ahah
Then our bitching session will start.
Collect dosa. Power.

And it's official.
Babies love me and kids like to stare at me.

Babies will always smile damn widely or laugh when I start to entertain them. Then I'd carry them around the store till they forget about their parents heh
There was this 1 1/2 year old baby, she walked up to me from outside my store, waved hello and wanted me to carry her and didn't event care that her parents were gonna leave her with me. Damn cute sia that girl.

Kids, they stare. They bloody hell go up to me and just stare. They do that for a good 20 seconds flat. Or more. Freaks.
When I'm nice, I'll say hi or smile and wink at them. But they still keep on staring lah! When I don't bother anymore, I'll just stare back and scare them till they run away ahhaha
But there was this kid who went behind the counter while I was doing cashiering. Her mum scolded her and she screamed back, "Wait mummy, I want to talk to jie-jie!!!"
mahahahahhhhaha wtf cute man. Thank you hor, I feel honoured.

Little devils.

Aiyah Monday start school already.
Girls, I don't think I'm going to school on Monday.
See you on Tuesday can?! =D Kaki ponteng siak cheebai kia!
Monday I wanna go dating with my new boyfriend, Kartik. He text me saying he missed me lah hahahahahahhahaha wtf sia that bugger.

Kay lah no new boyfriend lah I'm still stuck with my old boyfriend. So boring. ahahahhaah

So hello 2009.
Here's to a better year.
If it doesn't get better, I'll fuck it up even more.
Cheers.

2008-12-29T00:05:00.000+08:00

I. Need. To. Meet. Ila. And. Hafiz.
Pronto.

Arsene Wenger, don't you dare lay a finger on him.
I will damn you to hell if you do.

I lost my Cricket lighter and I feel sad.
My favourite-test??? lighter in the whole wide world. Gone. Just like that. Fucking hell.
I think my mummy threw it away. Just cause it's in my drawer doesn't mean I don't want ittttt aiyah why like that.
And the new Cricket lighter Saini gave me... Urgh it just doesn't feel the same laaaaaaaaaah!
aahhaha fuck I'm such a whiner.

Haven't been spending my holidays all that wisely.
All I've been doing is lepak with a few of the kids, work and eat.
There's still a bunch of stuff I need to do.
1. Shop.
2. Stop eating so much junk.
3. Start telling off people who are such a pain in the ass.

I'm quiet. I don't talk alot.
I'm simple. I don't ask for much.
All I want, is for you to be here.

Fuck you 2008.
You sucked while you lasted.
Fuck yeah 2009!

2008-12-25T02:44:00.002+08:00

Hell yeah I'm screwed.
God hates me, yeah he does.
Mum hates me, no doubt.
Cookie hates me, he got sterilized the other day and his balls look like rotten grapes lol

The only one who makes me smile is my stupid perasan hot boyfriend.
And the fact that he's coming back in 5 months YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
=D

Haiyah.
Why does everybody wanna be a somebody?

2008-12-21T07:11:00.002+08:00

We all thought you'd pull through, but I guess God loves you more.
R.I.P Rizal
=(

♥

2008-12-12T01:54:00.002+08:00

I. Am. So. Bleeding. Proud. Of. Myself.
My pay's been in for 5 days already and I haven't spent it unnecessarily, besides the daily essentials.
Ohkay maybe I spent 3bucks on a new colour of nail polish but that's it.
Whoa.

Aiyah I hate painting my own freaking nails.
Muke aku akan mainkan peranan yang penting with the stressed face, tryina make everything look proper.
Hurh.
Ah, but worth it.

Holidays. Are. In.
Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha.
Like fucking finally.
I'm hoping to get a shitload of morning shifts for work so I'll have more time to go lepak, shop, do stupid stuff, and urgh, finish up the projects and assignments. Sodding bullocks.

Speaking of work, I love my managers can.
Cause apparently they love me too.
I'm usually late for work, not 1, 5 or 10 minutes but sometimes 1 fucking hour late, they'll close 1 eye and keep quiet.
This hip-hop gundu idiot came less then half an hour late just once and got a fucking warning letter AHAHAHAHA
I can call in last minute to say that I can't make it for work and they'll find a replacement for me.
This other muke busok gundu idiot couldn't come for work, claiming she has an MC which she didn't, and got the scolding of a lifetime in the shop. Mahahhahaa.
It pays to be a hard-worker when it comes down to business aye.

But the junior part-timers damn cheebai kia. Jyeah, I'm the senior AHAH.
Ask to do work, talk talk talk. Had the cheek to freaking say to me, "Yah I know lah. I know!"
Fuck you, what you know you bloody shithead.
Ask to vacuum, complain. Ask to mop, complain. Alot of customers, complain. No customers, complain. Nabey fucking cheebai.
Ask to replace me for a few hours say cannot. I had to come to work even when my school projects haven't even started yet and when I've covered for so many people countless times.
Ask to help me handcarry 15 fucking thick winter jackets from Tampines Mall all the way down to the store also cannot. I had to carry 3 gi-freaking-normous bags of clothes all by myself. Member steady je cakap, "Oh sorry Fareena, I got no Ez-Link card".
PUKI. Dengar2 tak boleh pakai cash pe naik train pergi Tampines Mall! Dengar-dengar aku carry 3 bag besar pergi balik store naik bus! I took the fucking cab back to the store you bloody obnoxious baboon!
URGH. THE FUCKING KIDS THESE DAYS.

To think that I could leave you and let you lead your own life.
Guess I was wrong. You can't control your own life by yourself.
I leave a couple of things in my life untouched and they all bloody go haywire.

Urgh I can't wait for 2008 to end. Suckiest year to date.
END ALREADY, GODDAMMIT!

Timmy. Bastard siak kau tak reply aku nye text.
Aku dah ready set go to dating dating with you ahahahahaahahahaha snort.
Aku nak merajok ah bye.

2008-12-09T01:29:00.001+08:00

Aaaaah, Selamat Hari Raya Haji.
Why we never get money on Hari Raya Haji ah?
I'm like... broke. aha.

Tired sia eat eat eat.
Wake up at noon after sleeping like a pig, eat. Wait for parents to come home, eat. While watching teevee, eat. Waiting for my brother and family, eat. Go to the whoever-the-hell's house, eat.
NABEY FAT ALREADY LAH.
And yeah speaking of the "whoever-the-hell's" house we went to, at one point long after sitting in the living room, my brothers and I turned and looked at each other and went "Eh, name die ape eh? Err, Kak Ayon nye husband kan?"
And after like 2 hours I figured out his name, shouted it to them and we burst out laughing cause we don't give a flying fuck about anyone else except ourselves ahah
Anyways, yeah I'm super tired cause I ate too much -________-

Ilyas stayed over for 2 nights and it's always a joy.
Our doors are always open for him.
He knows how to make me smile and always knows how to rebut against me. Hurh.
Can't wait to meet Ilhan and his super slit eyes ahahaha you and your brother the same! Bloody cinonek face!

When it comes down to making decisions, do you follow your heart or your mind?
Cause I'm thinking, neither of them are right. Urgh.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I need to smoke ah bye

2008-12-06T00:02:00.002+08:00

!@#;$":{}.]|}%^&*(+_)(;*&[^.%$#@!&*||,{;'}()_*%\":@#$?<>/

2008-12-01T00:00:00.002+08:00

Ah, the best supper in the world can be experienced at Asha's.
When you have awesome food, one of the best teh tarik, cigarettes and some friends to lepak with.
You're all set from midnight to sunrise.

I really have to get my act together in school.

But really, how the hell do you do that when classes get cancelled last minute like when you're an hour late, about to tap your card to board the train and you get a call from your friend saying that you don't need to go to school.

And when you go into the Project Management class and the lecturer keeps on nagging and nagging and screaming into your ear while saliva comes out of her mouth ahahah nabey disgusting shitttttt! And when you ask her questions nicely and tell her to fucking stop screaming into my ear, she still screams and nags some more till you get so fucking fed up, bang the table, get off your seat, grab your McDonald's breakfast from the computer table, slam the door behind you, peacefully eat your breakfast alone outside the bloody computer lab cause you're just sick and tired of her nagging and screaming and come back in only after you're finished with your breakfast and when your blood stops boiling.
And that was when some MOE person was present in the class lol who the fuck cares.
I was pissed. Fuck _|_

But I really had no manners when there was this mass talk at the auditorium and I ended up taking turns playing the PSP with Yana. All I heard in that audi was "blah blah blah blah whatthefuck blah blah more blah" shit.

And the other day when the school had this "event", imagine that you weren't aware that it was the only thing you had to attend for the whole day at the fucking amphitheatre for a measely 3 hours which starts at 8 so you have to wake up before the sun fucking rises _|_ to shower and go to school to watch some retarded performances which I don't give two flying fucks about, sign some balloon thing and play Snake and fucking Ladders which I find no point in playing, at all, and then you're released like trapped sheeps in a barn.

Don't even get me started on how many times I go to school for 2 or even 1 hour.
I think the school's system can turn my low blood pressure to a fucking high blood pressure one day and eventually, death.
Bodoh.

But ultimately, the ones that can keep me sane in school are the 2 babi gondols who constantly abuse me like I'm their Philipino maid.
1 babi gondol dah macam jantan. A man trapped in a girl's body. Punch here punch there, pull people's hair! Fart in public like her father owns the world like that.
Read: Elyana Binte Amran.
The other babi gondol pinch pinch pinch. I lock you and a Burung Tiung in 1 room then you know. You cry ah I tell you, Farah Liyana Binte Ridwan.
My secret weapon? My nails. Mahahahhahaa.
I think the 3 of us laughs too much. But 'too much' this time, is good.

Sidetrack.
Eversince that fall, my knee has been hurting like goodness gracious me and the bruise is still visible even after a month.
I think I cracked something.
Cacat.
Plus the still-not-healed broken toe, I walk like some Hunchback Of Notre Dame reject when both starts hurting like NENEH.

haha twins

Hell yeah you can smoke at Night Safari!

Don't let it go away. This feeling has got to stay.
Who sent this maniac?
Cause I've never had this taste in the past.

I miss you like neneh you pig.

Eh so fast December already ah.

2008-11-26T03:14:00.001+08:00

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh.
I hate it when people text me in the morning. I never have been or will be a 'morning person'.
Nabey chicken nugget. People wanna sleep you text text text bloody idiottt!
I hate it when people interrupt my sleep.
It annoys the hell out of me and can bloody hit my last nerve.
Wanna let me sleep also so difficult is it?

Lesson for today. DO NOT BLOODY CALL OR TEXT ME IN THE MORNING.

Or I will damn you to hell.

Or maybe I'll just ignore you till I feel like talking to you.
I realised that I'll ignore a person if I don't like him/her/it/shim/bapok/pondan/whatever.
I'm not the type to be mean. Just sarcastic.
So if you think I'm ignoring you, best bet is I don't like you.

And I don't like it when my boys change.
I miss the old times when the 4 of us would hangout, talk and play stupid games together.

But it's ohkay. I'm dealing with it.
And I'm looking forward to my date with Timmy.
Timmy the studddddd ahahaahaha lol

It's 3.30 in the morning, I can't sleep and I'm starving.
Craving for some freaking Yu Tiao. Nabey!
Hooray, I have a Public Relations test later which I haven't studied for.
Chopstamp fail already.

2008-11-25T02:20:00.000+08:00

Bored ah.

I suddenly miss alot of people.

Screw this shit.
"Shit" can be spelled by rearranging "this".

Now that I have my free time, I have nothing to blog about.
Very good.
Only thing I'm looking forward to is seeing the Spongebob and Patrick show at Raffles City.
I wanna hug Patrick MotherFucking Star!
And then kidnap him and tie him to my couch.
We'll watch Spongebob Squarepants on Nickelodeon together everyday and live happily ever after.

Goodnight.

2008-11-19T00:58:00.006+08:00

Hi, my name is Slenger.
And apparently, Ika's also my name.
"Ika! Ika!" what the fuck?! -______________________-"

I'm still sore I didn't get to go for Taste Of Chaos.
Not that I didn't wanna go. Just thought that I'd be wasting cash.
But aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, bummer of the fuckin' century!
Who wanna go Manic Street Preacher's gig and Kylie Minogue's concert with me?!
I wanna dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee lah sia.
Kylie Minogue cool ah. Mmmmmmm.

I feel like putting my life to a halt.
Move to fucking Paris and live there for 5 years. Or maybe till the day I die.

I watched this documentary/movie where they researched the system over at Paris and they found out that Paris, or possibly the whole of France, gives freaking free healthcare to visitors/permanent residents/locals, free college education to kids, a free domestic helper every damn day of your fucking life who does your chores and takes care of your kids at home, gives you a ton of paid leaves and many many many more.
These are all provided by their fucking awesome government.
BLOODY COOL LAH SIA.
Sibei lanciao.
No wonder the French are the happiest bunch of people on Earth.
I wanna be French ah woohoo.

By the way, kalau dah lupe member, buat hal sendiri sudah.
It really feels like shit, knowing that you're too nice, putting other people's feelings and needs ahead of yours and they fucking forget the stuff you've did for them just cause they've found aaahhhhh whaddya call it, the fucking greener pasture.
Greener grass, greener tress, everything fucking green for you lah hor babi.
Whatever.

I'm sooooohohohohoohooooo not in tuned with anything in my life right now.
I need a break, some time to breathe.
The combo of school and work is like a motherfucking bastard.
But HAHAHAHAHA my attendance is like 98% power gedegakkkk!!!!!!
On the other hand, the fucking projects are still fucking untouched. Despite the fact that school's ending in 3 weeks.

Bullshit.
Bullshit.
Bullshit.
Bullshit.
Bullshit.

2008-11-13T22:56:00.002+08:00

In.Sig.Ni.Fi.Cant.

Thank you very much.
I now know where I stand.
I'm merely a stranger to you and to everyone I know.

So screw you.

2008-11-10T02:10:00.004+08:00

My eyebrow piercing is non-existant already lah.
The flesh fucking TORE out and all that's left is a scar =(
I miss it. Neh.

HAHAAHA!!!
Fucking huge discovery I made. LOL funny shit sia.
It's either guys are shallow as hell or girls are just emotionally deep.
Maybe it's a bit of both but I think guys are just shallow hahahaaha hurh!

SO!
Attempt number 1 at seriously quitting smoking failed.
Finally decided to quit so I can save my fucking hard-earned cash and probably save my fucking life also.
And to turn over a new leaf. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Who the bloody hell am I kidding. Wanna save money only haha

Stupid fever plus headache plus some backache thing probably my pancreas or kidney or whatever shit aching plus coughing plus tummy doing some weird things like wanting to puke and it was only the fucking second day.
But having the mood swings and getting pissed off easily was already present on the first day hhahahaa bodoh sia babi betol.
Cannot tahan already, went to fucking buy cigarettes and smoked 22 minutes of my life away in 5 minutes.
Do the math lah, 1 cigarette = 11 minutes of your life gone.
And DAMN it felt gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood. Better then getting to eat after starving for more than 24 hours.

HOW SIA LIKE THAAAAAAAAAAAT?!
I wanna cut my hands off so I can't fucking smoke that shit anymore. FUCK AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I keep asking myself how in the world I'm gonna do this when nothing is holding me back. Besides my hard-earned cash and my conscience. Dammit.
I. Am. Seriously. Pissed. At. Myself.
Stress sia, nabey cheebai.

I hope to update more progress rather than setbacks up on my blog.
But I bet there'll be more setbacks.
Alot more.

Ohkay school's starting in 8 hours, gonna go sleep my life away.

DAMN THIS FEVER!

2008-11-06T22:32:00.000+08:00

It's that time already.

All I needed was an eye-opener.
And that was it, today.
I had the displeasure of reality hitting me in the face three times. That was more than enough signs to tell me to sit down, shut up and think.

I'm sorry I made you guys cry. Guess I'm already doomed to hell.
A disappointment. A mistake. A fucked-up experiment. That's all I am.
I hope you didn't mean it when you said I'm not your daughter anymore.

And as for my boyfriend, please don't die.
No. Matter. What.

=(

2008-10-28T01:01:00.001+08:00

People who speak more then they listen should consider how peculiar they would look if they had two mouths and one ear.
Some people just don't know when to talk and when to shut the fuck up.

I am sick of the pride.
I am sick of the glory.
I am sick of the pretense.
I am sick of the hypocrisy.
I am sick of the back stab.

Menyampah sial. Mati siang-siang tanak. Dah besar menyusahkan orang.
This is why I'm too lazy to entertain people.
People always tell me I have the "malas nak layan" look.
And it bloody hell is true.

I don't like talking to people who make no sense to me.
I don't like talking to people about subjects that are trivial to me.
I don't like talking to people who like to talk about other people who don't fucking matter to me.
Sometimes, I just don't like talking to people.
Not a bitch, but I just know when to shut my mouth, and how to shut my mouth.
Plus my ears just burn up when people talk nonsensical bullshit.

I'm proud of the fact that I don't trust people easily.
I trust the flea on my cat more then I can trust a human being.
If there were fleas on my cat in the first place.
Humans are evil. Fucking homo sapiens.

On to the beautiful side of my life, the weekend was a treat for myself away from my busy weekdays.
It's school and work, back home at 11PM, and the same routine the next day.
Despite the lack of sleep, I can still wake up early in the morning for school.
And even go for Sports and Wellness to jump jump jump and run run run.
Jumping is fun. I think I was a grasshopper in my previous life.

Anyways.

Yany to Daya: "Kau kluar dengan si kerinting tu eh?"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHA!!! Kurangaja bodoh, kau.

Happy belated Birthday Hadi Iskandar!
Camera shy sia this boy! I had to take this picture secretly and convince him that it's blur as hell.
Tak fahaaaaam aku -.-
He didn't even tell me it was his birthday. Hurh.

And it was fun hanging out with the boys just now.
Playing Guitar Hero lah, bola lah, wrestling lah, skating lah.
Play masak-masak also got.
And oh, I think we're gonna postpone the KL trip.
16th can? Don't say cannot. I punch your face.
We'll have a lil more time to save money. I guess.

Gaji bila nak masok daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah?!

I wanna shave my head ah. haha bye.

2008-10-23T00:30:00.001+08:00

=(

It's not easy, in fact it's straight up difficult, for me to adapt to changes.
Especially ones as major as this.
I've always been running away from problems and it includes this too.
I. Cannot. Accept. It.
Fuck.

2008-10-19T22:54:00.007+08:00

I now know that some kids have bigger heads then I do. ahah

Aaaaahhh.
Who wanna go out with me this weekend?
I'M FINALLY NOT WORKING.
Come, book me, CEPAT.
ahahahhaa
No need to gaduh2 at my tagboard.

So someone's been stealing my fucking cigarettes.
Idiot took at least 5 sticks at one shot.
And messed up my ciggy box.
I hate it when it gets all crumpled up. When I catch him/her, fucker's gonna die.

Speaking of fuckers, I heard Singapore's gonna have this new "law" where people are gonna get fucking fined for cursing and swearing in the fucking public.
That probably means we can't curse and swear in blogs too.
And at the rate I'm going, I'll probably go bankrupt before I reach 21.
Or maybe 19. Hah.

School's been shit.
Friday = Ending at 4pm = Bullshit.
Stupid schedule.
Plus it was dumb of that @#$%^&* to ask us for an 'official letter' stating why we didn't attend his/her class.
My problem lah wanna skip or not. hahahah bodoh sia.
My grades, my attendence, my brain, my future.
Pity you for having to sit in a class with less than 10 people, talking some bullshit while I enjoy my time far far away from school.
haah cabot pon susah. ape dah.

Ohkay tomorrow confirm gaduh with teacher already.
Get ready ah smue. hhhaha bye.

2008-10-12T03:11:00.003+08:00

Just because people do horrible things, it doesn't always mean they're horrible people.

Man overboard.
Damn you for making me feel like shit.
Damn you for putting me through this shit. Can't believe I got myself into this situation in the first place.
And damn you for making me feel like I'm the worst person I know.
You owe me for this, for everything.

And damn this seriously annoying sleeping disorder.
No matter how worn out I am, I sleep at 6am every frickinnnnnn day.
Happens everytime the holidays arrive.
And when school starts, I sleep like some polar bear hibernating during the freaking winter. Go school sleep, afternoon sleep, everytime also sleep. Hurh.

I seriously cannot get the VERY memorable phrases from The House Bunny out of my head.

"Can I just get the Mahi instead of the Mahi-Mahi cause I'm not that hungry."
"Manhole. I like that word, manhole."
"I gotta meet this freakin' bird!"

L-O-fucking-L.
What else do you expect from a Happy Madison Productions.

Raya this year is so... URGH.
Didn't get to jalan raya with both the ITE kids and the secondary school dudes.
I think Haiqal's pissed at me for that.

But on the brightside, I got to go for the Raya cum Certificate thingamagic.
Everyone else were dressed up except me and Dane lol
Went into the hall place thingy? whatever, with muke slumber only -.-
I hate wearing baju kurung omg BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Orange dude saw me taking pictures, nudged at Aqmal and both smiled like some Colgate commercial. Cute sia haah

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA muke kontollllllllll

I <3 you and you.

Woohoo tribal council. Makcik and nenek at the back sebok only lah.

Speaking of neneks, I saw the trailer for my grandma's new movie and OMG MY GRANDMA IS SO CUTE.
Her line in the trailer was, "It's payback time!"
AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA FUCK SIA I fucking rolled on the floor and laughed till I cried.
And that was only a trailer -.-

PS: The cert we got looked so gay siak! Bloody hell. What kinda cert is lime green sia wtf. Sape ajar pon tak tau.
Fucking gay, man -.-

Happy 18th Birthday NorHidaya Binte Sidek!
I know we haven't been hanging out for quite some time already and it's damn hard to reach me now. Let alone see me.
But I hope to, soon, cause I miss hanging out with you.
I love you baby.
<333

2008-10-05T17:24:00.003+08:00

Wah, die ah.

If only you knew the life I've been leading,
If only you knew the stuff I've been doing,
If only you knew the things I've been thinking,
You'd wish I'd never been born.

Since before I turned 18, my dad's been pestering me to get my bike license.
And when I finally get hyped up to enroll, my brother just had to rain on my parade and fucken forbid me from riding a bike.
Nabey, angry sia! His wife also kena forbid hhahaha lol kontol ah my brother. Nabey.
Now I'm forced to get a car license.
With him as my instructor.
Wah die ah. If he scold me in the car, I swear I'm gonna bang the car into a wall one ah I tell you.

Now that some people have forgotten that I'm still alive and kicking, I find no purpose in trying to communicate with anyone at all.
I find it useless now.
But some have been pure sweethearts and make me smile and laugh. They've been coming to my store to come see me work, mess up the clothes I just finished folding and fetched me too lol cuteness.
To name a few, Kaisha and Christine, Dane, Hatim and Reezan with Nunu, Kye and also Saini.

But ultimately, no one beats family.
They're the reason why I'm still me.
But daaaaaamn I'm so screwed up, I scare myself.

Cookie has been a real sweetheart and gives me kisses every afternoon when he wakes me up and before I sleep in the morning.
Awesome shittt lol

Ohkay wanna go my brother's house bye.

2008-09-30T02:02:00.008+08:00

I know I don't usually blog about my whereabouts and all that shit,
But THIS I gotta blog about. For keepsake heh

I got to freaking go to the F1 over the weekend.
Yes, Saturday and Sunday.
mahahahahhaa.
Ohkay lah not go there, but I was working for the Official F1 store woohoo.
Ditched my job yesterday just so I could work for F1 HEH

That's Surina.
Someone thought we were freakin siblings.
And at that point of time when I snapped that photo, it was a rare moment where not a single soul was at our booth.
Almost every second was filled with humans wanting some F1 shit.
They spent their money like it was running water sia, fuck. They were all buying on impulse and spent hundreds at a time sia. Rich fuckers.

Since we were vendors, we thought we'd go in to watch the race.

We had to wear uniforms on Sunday. Which we got for free at the end of the day while people had to pay 40bucks for the shirt and another 40bucks for the cap.
*cough*RIP OFF ARTIST*cough*

I had wickedly retarded shots of the cars.
Can't even see a thing sia fucking nabey cheebai.
But my brother went to the Friday practice session, idk how he got the fucking ticket, and got some pretty ohkay shots.
He was sitting like 3 freaking rows from the circuit. I think he's pretty much deaf.

And I don't get why people said the cars are damn loud.
They're not.
I found being at a gig much louder and deafening rather than the sound of the engine.
Or maybe I'm just THAT deaf.

And this awesome experience, courtesy of Bellina Tan.
Many many many thanks, love!
<3!

I have a new kitty
His name is Cookie
He sleeps on my tummy
And eats like a piggy

lol

Fact number 1. That paragraph up there is true. Cute right that bundle of joy!!! I feel like squeezing him.
Fact number 2. I was born to be a rapper, you don't know ah?

I can't believe someone who didn't even finish her secondary school education, dropped out at fucking sec 3 and living at her fucking boyfriend's house had the cheek to say that ITE students have no future.
FUCK YOU.
Kau mane punye hotstuff, bikin banyak sangat duit?
The 800-fucking-bucks you owe Zan kau bayar dulu ah sebelum kau reach kau nye PUBERTY eh.
You fucking work at the same mall I do. If you don't fucking pay up and if Zan suddenly has a soft-spot for you, you'll fucking see me at your fucking shop which you fucking work for as a fucking supervisor or whatever shit for 1200bucks a month, looking for you.
The last thing you get to see that day is my fucking middle finger pointing at your face before you rest in peace.

Lucky I never talk in Malay.
If not, like some minahrep already sia.
Nehmind, I got my chief minah with me. We can get fanatic if we wanna.
mahaha.

Oh my daddy's birthday todaaaaay!
Imma get him something from work later I hope.
Yes, the eve of Raya and I'm working till closing.
Hooray.

2008-09-24T04:14:00.006+08:00

Got jungle in the background HAHAHAHAHH

I don't matter.
My life doesn't matter.
This whole thing doesn't matter.
So, you don't matter.
Deal or no deal?

I like being transferred to the kids and baby section occasionally. Women's clothing gets boring after a while.
I loooooohohohohohoooove folding kids and baby clothes. It makes me happy. Makes me smile, like genuinely smile.
Their clothes are so tiny and so cute and... bah!!!
And I get to feeling-feeling ade anak AHAHAH
The whole idea of babies coming to the store with their parents in the strollers and baby bag thingy filled with bottles of milk and stuff is adorable. But when they cryyyyy, nabey I feel like kicking them in the face and rolling them out the store and into the frickin Marks And Spencers next door.
Cry as if like kena whack like that. I really whack you then you know.

It's a mystery why I like to whack things so much.

I think my dad's stoked that Pink has a new album and a new single out.
And he watched intently when Pink performed at the VMAs ahahhahaah
He's liked Pink eversince I was in primary school I think lol
Ultimate cuteness.
But he wasn't cute when I brought home a kitten home yesterday =(
Well not really lah, the kitty showed up on my doorstep 2 days ago when Bob was fighting with him, so I decided to bring him in. Gave him some food and played with him for a few hours.
The kitty was fuuuuuuuuuuucking cute and would be quiet when I carry him like a baby everywhere I go, would lie on my tummy while facing me when I'm lying down, sit on my lap and stuff. He's basically my kitty bitch hahahah
Suddenly ah, my genius dad said "noooooooooooooooooooo!" right to my face. NEH!
Geraaaaam only.
I want new kitty =(

So I've been searching for Jane Austen's book, Persuasion and I couldn't find it in Bedok library.
Searched through their computer thingamagic a few months ago and they said Bedok library has one but it was on loan.
Searched it again but now it's at the fucken Esplanade library. Nabey.
Anyone free enough to borrow it for meh? muahahaha
I wanna reaaaaaaaad.

Three cheers! Imma be home tomorrow!
I think.

Saved the best for last.

Happy 21st Birthday old man.
<33

2008-09-21T02:41:00.004+08:00

To quote Dr. Fish in Spongebob Squarepants 'I Had An Accident' episode,
"Yep, you're a lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky luck boy."
haahaha

Of course, I'm a girl ah.

Cold shoulders, blank stares, angry stares, all the stares in the world aimed at me.
Voices of anger, frustration, care and concern all mixed into one.
I've got to learn to control my anger. And my mouth. Not to forget, the words that are coming out of my mouth.
I've got to learn to be thankful and appreciative. Yes.

Random thought.
Does the word "goozfraba" from the movie Anger Management really work? ahah

My family talked about a random subject the other day.
About our relatives. And we figured out that not 1 of us knew half the names of all my nephews and nieces ahaah
My brothers and I usually call them by saying "boy!" or "girl!" ahahahahhaaa
I have like 4987401394701347 nephews and nieces and the number increases every damn year.
Plus the number of shotgun weddings and shit lol. Bile nak taubat ahhahaha
And we only see each other once a year anyways. I fucking hate gatherings, what more celebrating Raya with them. Pfft.
Everyone would try to top each other and feel dominant over the ones at the bottom of the family hierarchy. Fucking retarded I might say.
Fuck them.

It's not good to lepak till 5am the night before you have to work.
The result is you having a hard time serving customers, being a fucking lazy ass to tidy the place up and almost getting busted for... well, something lah.
Of course, yawning and yawning like there's no tomorrow.

Also, it's advisable to wear a good pair of pants lol
All my pants are fucking loose and fucking annoying. I need new pairs of pants. MOTHER! Come shopping, come.
I need to spend time with you. And spend money also muahahahaha
Bloody broke kid sia aku.

Damn. Just remembered I only had bubble tea for break fast.
Shit. Gotta go eat.
hahah bubble tea. The name so cute laaaaaah.
Bubble tea.
lol

For the last time, NO to any bands.
1. The "scene" is deluded
2. I don't like the politics that goes on while being in a band
3. Aku malas haha

I'm back in love again with Pharrell Williams.

=D

2008-09-17T17:29:00.004+08:00

I dreamt I had 2 new kittens.
And I woke up being sad cause I DON'T HAVE 2 NEW KITTENS =(

My mum didn't wake me up for sahur just now and I'm pretty fucking hungry.
I'm craving for chocolates. Haven't had any in a few weeks.
Actually I'm craving for any type of food cause my stomach's playing the double paddle already laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
Bile nak bukeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?!

The basic necessities in life I lack of
- Communication
- Food
- Sleep
- Food
- Playing with my cats
- Food
- Food
- Communication

Yeah.
To people who haven't seen me for quite some time already,
Stop informing me that I've lost weight.
I'm very aware of that.
lol
Got that remark from Kye and Hatim back to back sia nabey.

My lips are getting an allergic reaction to something, I don't know what.
It feels damn weird and it looks fuller than before.
Fuck.

Random update, yeah.

2008-09-14T02:35:00.001+08:00

My dreams are turning into nightmares.
Nightmares I don't wish to come true, never ever ever for never ever.
Kinda sucks cause I like my sleep to be filled with dreams of lollipops, ponies and rainbows. HAHA.

Tuning back to reality, I'm glad I only come home to sleep, eat and watch some good old teevee.
Then it's back out again.
That way I don't have to listen to people who think they're a know it all.
Best of all, I don't have to spend my precious time with them.
Make my blood boil only.

And you guys very good eh!
When I working then everyone ask me go out.
*vibration* Eh today you free?
*vibration* Eh tomorrow you free?
*vibration* Eh when you free?
Next time, ask me for my full schedule better right! hahahaha irritating.
Btw, my phone vibration eh. Not dildo vibration or whatever eh.

Work's been fun in a way.
Fun in a sense that I get to laugh at customers who are fucken retarded.
Wanna tell me that they don't wanna buy the clothes they tried on also scared!
I'm like, WhatTheFuck just give me the shirt and fuck off lah! lol retaaaaaaaaaaarded.
I guess there are more funny customers coming my way so I'll just laugh along alone. Fun shit.

Recent retarded pictures.

She digs my nose for a living.

Aqmal's looking at me like -_______-

Long-time-ago retarded picture.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Iman still as handsome as ever.
Daya got straight hair already, no more headphone hair AHAHHHAAH LOL
Haikal Jamari, I think he has nicer hair now also. I think only ah lol
Looking at past pictures makes me laugh by myself. Another fun thing to do when you're bored.

First off day today and I'm gonna spend time with the boys. The lovely lovely boys.
Ah, my dosage of konek-ing around, no girl talk.
Just testosterone filled and, yeah no girl talk lol.
Found out that Zan and Haiqal wanted to buy for me a new pair of shoes for my birthday. Which they didn't cause I already bought a pair the day before my birthday.
And Hatim wanted to buy me a camera. A freaking camera. Siao ah this boy.
Fucking sweet right these assholes?!

What ever did I do to deserve the awesome friends I have?
<3

2008-09-06T00:29:00.002+08:00

Looks like I'm not gonna see you guys anytime soon.
$5.50 on weekdays, $6.50 on com-freaking-pulsory weekends. 7th of every month.
Ah, the mediocrity of it all.

My stupid eyebrow is itching like mad at the hole there leh.
I wanna scratch it but later pain then how.
Actually now pain plus itchy lah.
I don't know why still pain and like still swelling lah this damn thing!
Been like 2 weeks already lah dey!

I'm actually finding something to blog about cause..
Cause I'm too lazy to study for that mafaking module.
Promised myself I'll finish studying over the weekends.
1 more unit to cover and then I'll have to start memorizing everything all over again, Unit 1 all the way to 7.
No point sia doing all these bullshit.

What happens if you don't understand, don't know what to do but you can memorize and answer the questions blankly like a robot?
You get a high passing grade.
What if you DO understand, DO know what to do but you CAN'T memorize and deliver it on pen and paper?
You fail.
Kinda unfair for those who can't memorize.

That's why I got an F9 for my Biology and a C5 for my History paper lol
My sodding favorite subjects but got bad grades cause of the sodding memory work involved.
Essay questions are always a killer.
It's like you have to temporarily become an external hard drive, store a shitload of information and then blurt it all back out again when you're asked to do it.
LIKE A SODDING ROBOT. Pfft.

I need to stop rambling about school.
School's the most boring topic you can talk about, yeahuh.

I think MTV's getting more and more irritating by the hour.
It's not about the music anymore.

I think young teenage kids are getting more superficial and immature.
I'm not proud of being called a teenager.

I think I'm sleepy and I need to stop complaining.
Goodnight.

2008-09-04T23:56:00.007+08:00

This is what studying MICE does to you.
It's so damn borinnnnnggggggggggggggggggggggg.
-_________________________________________________________________-"

All they freaking explain about is Meetings, Incentives, Conventions and Exhibitions.
Meetings, Incentives, Conventions and Exhibitions.
Meetings, Incentives, Conventions and Exhibitions.
Meetings, Incentives, Conventions and Exhibitions.
Meetings, Incentives, Conventions and Exhibitions.

If it's not about MICE, it's about STB.
Maaaaaaaaaaaaaak kau. I learn about my grandmother better lah!
I cannot look at the notes already.
If I see 1 more thing about MICE tonight, I'm gonna cough out blood.
But I'll get back to studying eventually %$*(@%^&?>-%$*(@%^&!
And thank God for having only 1 exam-based module woohoo

Jyeah, I've been a total nerd these few days.
Been at home burying my face in the freaking notes.
Fucken rare moment, I tell you.
Never Home + Never Studying = Fareena.
Plus it's the first week of fasting month. Must be at home before 7(!!!) to break fast with family ah hohohoho

Boring shit happening.
Shit happening.
Bullshit happening.
And now I feel like I wanna shit.

nononono.
Not really uh. My butt very pain ah!!

You know how stuff clogs in your brain and you can't seem to get it out of your system?
It's getting annoying and I can't seem to shake it off.
Everytime I think about stuff, everytime I think about people, I go "gasak kau lah, nak".
Everytime I take 1 step forward, I fall 3 steps back.
And whad'ya know, I find myself up against the wall with only my own two small feet.

Not that I've given up, but I'm too lazy to pick myself back up again.
You know those cliché "I'm down but I'm gonna pick myself back up again and move on".
Been there, done that, getting lame, too freaking lazy to deal with it again.
We'll all fall again at certain points of time so I guess I'll just leave it as it is.

IMTOYou.

Aiyoh stress kicking in already lah.
Need. To. Get. Back. To. MICE. D=
Ciao.

2008-08-31T20:55:00.005+08:00

Elmo's first time at the beach since he was born.
He looks pretty damn happy to be there.

Everything's been good.
Though some people are pissed at me for not contacting them cause hey, it's all my fault what right?
When was it ever wrong to spend time with my other friends while you clearly don't give a flying fuck about me?
Ah screw it.

Nothing's been going through my mind lately.
Except for the fact that after the fasting month, it'll be freaking Hari Raya and I hate celebrating it.
I just wanna fast, end of story. No celebrations, nothing.
Except for giving me money woohoo!

Things I have to do before I start fasting.
1) Stop cursing and swearing.
2) Stop mengumpat-ing, or as my mum says "talking facts" LOL like mother like daughter.
3) Smoke only after breaking fast. Shit.

&#^$(!* I just cursed.

Oh.
Note to self. Don't let your imagination run wild.
Please.

How can

+

+

=

A.K.A the most fun I'll ever have in my whole lifetime (with a Super Big Gulp right in front of the camera)?

It's cause we're cool like that.

ahhahahaha lol sing somemore ah! Memekak tak tentu pasal.

ahahahah got chicken bone

Oh, Saini is a psychotic, sick bastard who thinks my male cat is sexy.
And you suck at taking pictures with my camera muahahaha

!#$%^&* Stop cursing lah!

2008-08-27T23:11:00.006+08:00

Wrong move, bitch.
Just when I thought I was gonna repent.

2008-08-27T21:29:00.000+08:00

I wish I was Eeyore.
Call me Eeyore instead of Cina Matlap.
Kay thanks bye.

Everything's going fucking downhill and I feel like such an asshole to not care about anything.

Jyeah, I have that I-don't-give-a-fuck look and I really do have the I-don't-give-a-fuck attitude.
But at least I'm no fucking free-rider, no fucking free-loader and not a fucking pain in the ass.
I still care about my life and my future.
Plus I have my own brain to work things out by myself.
I pity those who have well functioning brains but not giving a flying fuck about their own lives.
It's people like these that makes my blood boil and make me curse out loud when I'm really trying to stop cursing and swearing my hearts out.

This other thing is making me lose sleep plus it's driving me up the wall.
I don't know if I made the wrong choice but I was thinking of the long haul rather then the short term.
Nothing interests me anymore and truth be told, I'm sick, tired and bored.
To the core.
It's like we're back to square one. Make that a square zero -.-

Been listening to Blink 182 to make me forget about things and I miss them more then I miss anyone else.
I grew up listening to them and fuck ah I miss them sial. Can make me cry sia.
If they were to ever regroup and have a gig, I'd give up anything ANYTHING to watch them live.
No matter how far, how expensive, how whatever-else-you-can-think-of.
=(

But now,
Time alone.
Time with family.
Time with friends.
Time to repent.